How I Lost My Mom & How I Got Her Back

My mother and I were separated for six years during the most crucial times of my development, between the ages of nine to fifteen. Before I can tell you how we reunited, you need a little background information to understand. My parent's divorced when I was around the age of five when we were living in Big Bear. My brother and I visited my mom every other weekend and on the holidays. As I got older my father found a new wife. At first we thought she was great! She bought us things we needed. She was really nice in the beginning. But once she married my dad, her true colors started to show. My dad worked hard at his job and he was a wonderful provider. He expected his wife to do raise us while he was working, so she gained all control.

The first time I was punished by her was the first time I lied to her. My punishment to was fill up a notebook of one sentence: "I will not lie to ....lets call her Poison." She hated being lied to and as a very young child I was  huge liar. Some how I thought I could get away with it, but I

got caught every dang time. Because she was with us all the time and we knew her from a very low age, we started calling her "mom". This should've never happened. I had a mother that loved me very much. She started causing my brother and I to feel guilty for wanting to see our mother. When I was about to turn ten years old, my dad took us to meet our mom so we could visit her for a while. We went to the meeting spot and waited and waited and waited, but no one came. My dad took us back home. That day I thought my mom forgot about us, so we were going to forget about her because as Poison would say, she didn't really care about us. I didn't find out until years later that my mother was actually in the hospital! No one ever told my brother or I. Poison would give us so much grief for even talking to her after that, so to have peace in our house, we pushed our own mother away. It was too stressful as children to be in the middle of a battle between parents, so we succumbed to the easy option. That day we quit seeing my mom for six years.

 During this time I became increasingly unhappy. School was my sanctuary away from the house I lived in. Every thing I did I would get punished for from eating the wrong cereal to sleeping too long. You name it, there was a rule for it. I continued to lie, cheat and steal and would get caught every time. My dad and stepmom (Poison) had to step up their punishments they thought. They didn't think a good dose of love would work. Actually they thought by punishing me that they loved me. In the fourth grade they started cutting my hair off as a punishment. They first time my dad grabbed regular scissors and started chopping of one side of my hair. He left one side long. Before I went to school I tried to make it look like a side pony tail and sprayed my hair over. As soon as Poison saw it she said my dad wouldn't let me style it. Who knows if my dad actually said that. Before Poison, my dad and I were really close. Our favorite movie was 'A Little Princess' and I was his little princess.

Over the years I got more haircuts for lying. When I was fifteen I couldn't take it anymore. I became very depressed and saw no use for living. Something had to change because I couldn't live like this. I had gotten into trouble yet again for talking on the phone and I wasn't allowed to use the phone. Poison said, "I think it's time to talk to your dad about another haircut".

 I snapped in that minute. I ran up stairs to my room, threw some things in my backpack, gave my step-sister a hug and kiss and told my younger brother to watch her. I ran out of the door that day and never went back. As I ran, Poison chased me in her car, but when she got to the end of the road she yelled out the window, "We are done!" I think that was the last time I saw her.

I kept running, full of adrenaline. I ended up at the police station. I told the officer that I was being abused. But I told him something else that too this day I am extremely ashamed of. When I was a young teen, Poison convinced me that my father was inappropriate with me. She would say things like, "Did you see the way your father was looking at you?" She would get upset any time my father and I spent time together, even if it was just playing basketball together. It got to the point where I wouldn't let my dad touch me or near me because I believed her. One time she was gone for a few days and I slept in the room next to theirs. She gave me such a hard time when she got back, saying "Why were you sleeping in the room next to your father? Do you want him?" This whole thing just sickens me because now when I look back, my dad never did anything wrong. He treated me like his daughter, but when Poison came in the picture she made his affection for me perverted. So when I was speaking to the officer I told him these things. He was called down to the station and questioned. I was taken away at 4 am that morning. I found out later that a roomer was spreading in Big Bear that my dad had raped me. This was horrible. I told the lawyers and police station that this wasn't true, but it was too late. The roomers had already spread. My dad believed that I accused him of this. He was mortified.

 I was put into a foster home in Ontario. I was so afraid and instantly was mad at myself for leaving. I was in a town I didn't know, living with someone I didn't know and sleeping in a new bed. When I would wake up in the mornings I would make my bed and sit at the edge of it and cry. My foster mother would get me up and out of my room. She is an amazing woman. She showed me more love than I ever knew existed. She was a frequent church attender, so she started taking me with her. I was never a big church attender and I didn't know much about God, except that I knew he existed. I actually started enjoying going to church. I got a bible and started reading it front to back. I read chapters and chapters, books and books. I finished it in a year. I felt like I could relate to so many people who went through trying times in the bible. I also started praying. I would write out my prayers. I felt like God heard me and comforted me. I started praying about what to do. I was in a difficult situation where I could end up back with my dad. Because I had a family I really couldn't stay in foster care that long.

I was scheduled to go to court where my fate would be decided. I assumed they would give me back to my father. My social worker picked me up to take me to the hearing. She started talking to me about how she saw my mom. I hadn't seen my biological mother in years, so I thought she was mistaken and meant my stepmom, but she insisted that it was my mom. She even had a letter from her. As I read it, I was filled with hope. She knew where I was and she was trying to contact me! I didn't even know she knew I was in the system! I was so nervous that day at court. We walked in and found a seat to start waiting. I was looking around the room and spotted a woman with an older man. There was something about her. She looked familiar. I really recognized her cheek bones. I turned to my social worker and said, "I think that's my mom...my real one." She yelled out, "Paula!" My mom looked at me...it took a minute and then she immediately got up hysterically crying and hugging me. I started crying as well. I couldn't believe this was her and she loved me so much! She wanted to help me! I knew at the moment that my prayers were answered. This was the door God opened. He made a way where I saw no way. I went to the restroom and thanked God for this! I knew this was the path to stick to. I went to my lawyer and told him that I refused to go back with my father and that I found my mother and was going with her. It wasn't that easy, but at least I didn't go back to my dad.

 I had to be transferred to another foster home. This one was much worse. The mother and father were mean and controlled my every move. My mom would call me and they wouldn't let me speak to her. They let the other children visit their family for thanksgiving , but not me. That thanksgiving I sat at the dinner table and ate alone. I became very depressed there as well. Even attempted to cut myself, but the minute I did God convicted me. I was never to do that again and I never did. They would tell me I was never going to end up with my mom, but they didn't know that I never give up. By Christmas time I was released from fostercare and sent to stay with my grandma while my parents decided who I would live with. I eventually met with my dad and he asked me flat out where I wanted to live. This was so hard to answer because I had always been with him and loved him very much, but I couldn't live that way any longer. I was being crushed emotionally. I chose my mom. He surprisingly let me go. My father and I have had a trying relationship for years now, but I always love him just as much. I know who he really is and the dad he can be. But as long as Poison was there, she would always be first. Over the years my father has started talking to me more now. He even met his new granddaughter.

I finished high school with my mom. The many years we were separated doesn't phase us. We are closer now more than ever. I could even call us best friends. I don't regret any of the things in my past, except for rejecting my mom when I was nine. But everything happened for a reason and my mom used that time to quit drinking alcohol. She has now been sober for over 15 years! I am so proud of you, Mom! I am thankful for everything that happened in my past because it led me to where I am today: my family.

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