Did Jesus Use Essential Oils?

For years I have been a fan of natural healing and essential oils. I think what kept me from really embracing them was my lack of knowledge about them and how to use them for healing. Thousands of years ago, oils were all that was used, along with fruits and plants of the earth. Somehow we lost all of that over the evolution of medicine. Now that I have discovered how to use these wonderful tools, I am using them all the time. Americans are used to taking a pill and having it work almost right away. Western medicine is now embedded in our minds and is difficult to shake. Sometimes essential oils work fast, but other times you have to be very consistent to share in the healing. The upside? No side effects. The biggest thing I noticed about prescription drugs is that while trying to fix one ailment, it yet causes another. Something is wrong with this picture.

Essential oils were used all throughout history. They may have been used in oil form as we do now, but mostly they were used from the direct source. Essential oila were even spoken of many times in the Bible. They couldn't just pop an aspirin, antibiotics or take Vicodin.  I honestly don't know how woman gave birth without an epidural, but I think over time our pain tolerance has gone down since the invention of modern medicine. That's just my theory. Here are just a few oils mentioned in the Bible:

Calamus	Cassia	Cedarwood
Cinnamon	Cypress	Fir
Frankincense	Galbanum	Hyssop
Juniper	Myrrh	Myrtle
Pine	Spikenard	Myrrh

One thing that I think is awesome is how oils were used in the life of Jesus. "Jesus’s life history has a number of instances when essential oils were conferred on him as acts of faith and appreciation. The book of Matthew tells of the kings from the East that came to offer Jesus gifts at his birth, notably frankincense and myrrh. These two resins are often used in modern times to assist in spiritual work. Jesus also received gifts of spikenard from two women. The first woman cracked a jar of spikenard and poured it above Jesus’s head. The second gift-giver, Mary Magdalene, used her life savings of the same plant oil to anoint his feet. Using her hair, she then massaged the oil into his skin. These acts of faith and gratitude were seen as humble sacrifices as spikenard was a particularly expensive oil to obtain (remediesathome.org)."

As we can clearly see, essential oils and plants were used often before modern medicine. They were even used to prepare young women for their husbands. Oils and plants were their sources of fragrance, instead of the chemically perfumes we have today. I just think the whole thing is fascinating. Yes I do sell the oils, but to me it's not about making money. It's about getting my health back. Taking back what is mine and showing others this incredible forgotten truth. Western medicine is necessary at times, but I do believe there is a lot we can do for ourselves first. Since Jesus used oils often during his life, it makes me wonder if he used any for healing purposes. When he was here he performed miracles and healed many, but I don't think he is magical. I do not believe he operates in the realm of magic. He said to his disciples and other followers that they could go and heal others. Did essential oils have a part in this? I don't have the answer to that, but I think it could be possible. There are many times when the Bible mentions Jesus anointing the sick with oils and praying for them. He had faith to believe in their healing and many were healed. Even non-religious historical documents speak of the many people he healed of diseases.

I personally have been using essential oils frequently for emotional support and sickness. I have been able to hault many colds with the use of Oregano oil, Onguard (an oil blend), Lemon oil and Frankincense. I have a goiter that was growing and I have been able to monitor it with the regular use of Frankincense. I have experienced more emotional stability when I diffuse Wild Orange. I also use oils on my husband and 5 month old daughter. When she was constipated, I diluted an oil blend for the stomach and rubbed it on her stomach and feet. The feet have hundreds of pores, which makes it a great entry part for the whole body. I have put oils on my feet and tasted them in the mouth. That is evidence showing how one essential oil effects the entire body. I still have a lot to learn, but so far I am very impressed and thankful to have discovered natural healing. I was kind of forced to discover it because I have been pregnant and nursing. There are few things that can be taken, except when using natural remedies. Below I will put some helpful links if you would like references to essential oils being mentioned in the Bible. I also will put my Doterra oils website link. If you are interested in learning more, feel free to contact me or comment below. Thanks for reading!


http://livinganointed.com/testimonials/bible-references.html
http://www.essential-oil-mama.com/healing-oils-of-the-bible.html
www.mydoterra.com/jacquelinedavison

What Would You do?

A while ago I noticed a lump on my throat, but I didn't think much about it because I thought it might have been a swollen lymph node. I ignored it. Recently it has gotten bigger and I felt two of them instead of one. I looked in the mirror and noticed it for the first time. It kind of looks like a golf ball in my throat. I did some research and asked around. It sounds exactly like a goiter. From what I have read, goiters take years to manifest. I can even feel it when I swallow now. I know that it's just another thing that ails the human body. It's most likely nothing harmful, even though it affects my thyroid and hormones. Which would explain my unbalanced hormones. But the first thing I thought about was cancer. I associated lumps with cancer. It's most likely not cancer and something that I will just have to treat. I actually started putting Frankincense oil on it and in my throat and it doesn't seem as big.
When I started thinking about cancer it really made me think even more. How would I live my life differently? How would any of us live our lives if we knew we had cancer? We might cherish every moment, instead of rushing them. We might enjoy every moment with our loved ones instead of being glued to our phones. We might not worry about the future, only about today, taking one day at a time. Shouldn't we live that way anyway? Why does it take a health scare to help us realize how to truly live? The word cancer definitely had me thinking. I worry too much everyday and I rush through life. I should be savoring every single moment because it's gone within the next minute. Everyone says to do this, to embrace the moments, but do we really? What is the secret to truly living in the now? How would you live your life if you or a loved one had cancer? Would you live any differently?

This Christmas I Will Remember

It's that time of year when I think the most about my deceased grandmother, Louanne Browne. When I was growing up, we loved visiting my grandparents. But when I was separated from my mom for six years, I didn't see them as well.Years later my mother told me that my grandma had a picture of Jesus and put a picture of my younger brother and I next to it. She would say one day Jesus would reunite us again and he did. When I reunited with my mother I was fifteen years old. Not to long after we reunited, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer.

 Before I found out I heard my mother sobbing on the phone. I had no idea who she was talking about or what happened, but I knew it was bad. After my mother told me the news I went to my room and sat in a corner and wrapped myself in my blanket. I began to cry

and pray. I told God not to take her yet. I had just gotten her back in my life and I hadn't had enough time with her. I just remember saying please over and over. We were very blessed because she lasted much longer than I expected. I was able to spend more holidays and special times with her. It was always a joyful time every time I visited her. As time went on, our family knew she was getting closer and closer to her death. My grandpa Browne made her last days full of life. He didn't withhold any desire from her. I knew to cherish every visit with her. The day I moved into my college dorm was the day I found out of her passing. Finally she would have peace and not fight this demon anymore. I would miss her deeply but I was never upset about her death. She was free! To keep her here on earth would only allow more suffering. Death hurts, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. But then again I might change my mind if I lost someone even closer to me.

Everything has been different since she left. She was the glue that held our family together. Every year we would have the famous Browne family Christmas party at the grandparent's house. My grandpa would decorate every year with hundreds of lights. He was legendary for his Christmas light decorations. Now, the family Christmas isn't at the grandparent's house anymore and I do understand why. But it's changed so much. All of the family doesn't come together like it used to. Only some family members come out to celebrate. When grandma was around, all the siblings and their children would come. It has decreased by 50%. Maybe I am trying too hard to hold on to the old, but it was a great tradition and now I feel like I am watching it fall apart. Everyone is going their own ways. But I guess that is to be expected because life is ever changing. It just makes me miss her even more. Even though she is gone, I feel her spirit often. I feel closer to her than ever. Is that weird considering she's dead? I don't really know, but I cannot deny that I still feel her presence. This Christmas I will remember her favorite holiday and her Christmas cheer. Her faith is admirable and her spirit is ever living. Merry Christmas Grandma Browne! Give a kiss to the King of Kings for me.

The Quest To Conquering Fear

Though I have faced many of my fears, there are still some that have a hold on me. In an earlier blog I speak about the relationship I have with my father. Because of my childhood experiences and his hot head, I still fear him. Even though this is completely irrational, it doesn't take away my fear. He is just too unpredictable and I see him to be capable of just about anything. There were times during arguments with Poison that he would let his anger consume him. One time he started an electric saw and was about to saw  the Corvette. He has started many physical altercations with family members, including his own brother-in-law, and strangers. By strangers, I mean one night after drinking he jumped in to the ocean and chased a guy in a kayak. So that is why I am afraid to be around him sometimes.

The other day he came down to visit us. He has been real sweet with Leia. I am always nervous the whole time I am with him though. It doesn't even feel natural. I walk on egg shells. I wonder what it is like to actually have fun with your dad and not worry something bad is going to happen. You would've thought after all these years, I would've outgrown this.  I always am afraid he is going to be rude to my husband or start an altercation with him. I am even afraid for him to find my blog because he might become angry and threaten me or something. I guess my childhood with him scarred me. My father still thinks he is the boss of me and no one succeeds him. I think it is hard for him to see me married. Sometimes I wonder if I am so afraid of him why do I pursue a relationship with him? I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that he is my father and I continue to try to restore this bond with him. But how can I really if I fear him?

All Hope is Lost... NOT!

In an earlier blog of mine I mention an eye condition I have had since I was a very young child. It is called Stabismus, also known as "Crossed Eye".Strabismus is a condition in which the eyes are not properly aligned with each other. It typically involves a lack of coordination between the extraocular muscles, which prevents bringing the gaze of each eye to the same point in space, thus hampers proper binocular vision, and which may adversel

y affect depth perception. Strabismus is present in about 4% of children  I don't have the crossed eye anymore because I had two eye surgeries. One when I was twelve and another at the fourteen. I was able to fix the look of my eyes, but the symptoms are still there. Symptoms of strabismus include eye strain. To avoid double vision, the brain may adapt by ignoring one eye. In this case, often no noticeable symptoms are seen other than a minor loss of depth perception. This deficit may not be noticeable in someone who has had strabismus since birth or early childhood, as they have likely learned to judge depth and distances using monocular cues. However, a constant unilateral strabismus causing constant suppression is a risk for amblyopia in children. Small-angle and intermittent strabismus are more likely to cause disruptive visual symptoms. In addition to headaches and eye strain, symptoms may include an inability to read comfortably, fatigue when reading, and unstable or "jittery" vision. As a result I have very poor depth perception, if any at all. That is one reason I don't like driving because I have been in quite a few accidents. I also suffer from eye spasms and headaches, but I barely notice any of this anymore because I have learned to live with it and accommodate my life according to it. But recently something exciting is taking place.

My husband is very smart, like genius smart. I am not trying to brag but his brain is some kind of amazing machine. He sees things no one else usually does and he has incredible problem solving skills. He started doing research on my eye condition. Keep in mind I have been to many eye specialists and none of them have been able to help with my symptoms or loss of depth perception. My husband found a woman who had the same condition as me and developed a way to get her depth perception back through a series of eye exercises. These exercises are hard core. He knows all the technical terms for everything so I can't explain it that well.

The first exercise is called The Brock String Method. It basically involves a string with beads on it in different positions. The object is for my eyes to focus on the bead and see a triangle. You start with the bead closer and work your way out. Right now when I look at the bead I do not see a triangle, like someone with depth perception would. I see 2 beads sometimes. Sometimes I see a bead with 2 wholes and 2 strings. My eyes jump around a lot because they are trying to find a way to align the images. My husband would probably laugh about how I am explaining this, but this is in plain language for me. So in order for me to fix my depth perception, I need to do these exercises often. That's all I know right now. It's actually very challenging. You wouldn't think staring at a string would be difficult but it actually makes me nauseous, so I only do it in small doses. I am curious to see where this all leads. It would be pretty cool if my husband found a successful way to help my eyes.  

Struggles of a New Mom

Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am not complaining because my life is much better with Leia and I love her to pieces. But it doesn't change the reality of how hard it can be at times. There are no directions for a new mom. You can get loads of advice but at the end of the day, each child is different and no one thing can be approached the same. What works for another mom may not work for me and what works for me may not work for another mother. Even though there are some that swear by their own advice. No one knows your child like you do, even if they think you are going through the same thing.

All my time is focused on Leia. Sacrifices are made everyday, that is self sacrifice. I may not get a shower for a few days. House chores take me much longer. Cooking is a fiasco, even though my husband helps with her a lot when I am cooking. I still hurry because she is always griping over something and she is quite demanding. I feel like my life is ruled by a five month old. Before when I wasn't a parent it was much easier to give advice or talk about what I would do. Now that I am a mother, all that has changed. Things are not as simple as they seem. There seems to be constant obstacles as well. Always have to conquer something new. Some days I think, It would be nice to go sit in the jacuzzi right now. But I don't. I spend almost every moment with Leia. Sometimes it's exhausting, but at the same time, I want to spend my time with her.I love being with her. When I'm not, I am thinking about her and how she is doing.

She has never been the type of baby that sleeps anywhere or naps for a few hours. She constantly has me on my toes. If I set her down she throws a fit. It used to take me hours to get her to sleep at night, but thankfully the process is much quicker now. She will only take a nap if she is in her stroller or carrier or something requiring physical energy. Hopefully all this will help me burn my baby weight off. I lost 25 lbs really fast but now it seems like my body is holding onto the rest for breastfeeding. I have been so torn with breastfeeding as well. It's a wonderful thing and I love it, but only I can feed her right now. Sometimes I would like a little more freedom to maybe hang out with some girl friends or really just to do things without rushing thinking she's going to demand my boob soon. I don't know how long I want to breastfeed for and frankly I think Leia will tell me when she's had enough. I am trying to start pumping so she can take bottle but I am unsure how I want to go about it. I feed her from me often so when I pump it isn't that much and lately when I try, she's been wasting a bunch of milk, which I don't like either. That's why it seems easier just to keep her on the boob. I think about not breastfeeding and realize how I will miss these precious times with her and I am torn. I am torn by own desire for freedom and the great love I have to give her everything. So, I give her all of me. Then I still need to make sure there is some left over for my husband. I still need to nurture him as my husband. Now after having a child, it is very difficult to even find the time for sex. Before we always had a healthy sex life, but now I have to make it happen. It still doesn't even feel normal yet! I swear my doctor sewed me up WAY too tight. Who needs to be that tight any how?! But I make it work because my husband and I deserve to continue to flourish together. Plus, I take it on as a wife's duty. It is very important to me to keep my husband happy. Sometimes I feel drained, but to me, giving myself to my husband and baby is very fulfilling.

For the last 2 months Leia has been waking up multiple times a night, especially after 3 am. When she wakes up for good, an hour later she is fussy and is ready for a nap. But she will only take it if we go on a walk. I have tried many times to lie her down when she is tired but all that causes is a scream of bloody murder. She also gets bored easy, so I constantly have to change things up for her. She will rarely just sit there and play with herself or toys. She even gets mad at plastic toys. I don't understand babies, especially when they are angry. Heck, half of the time I don't know what she's angry about.

They say you can't spoil a baby, but mine sure acts spoiled. All I have to do is pick her up and she stops whining. Now that she can grab things its gotten really bad. I take away what she is grabbing for and she throws another fit. She always wants my food too, even though she can't even begin to chew it. I am such a perfectionist that I know I make things harder than they have to be. I try to make her happy all the time, but she isn't so then I feel like a failure. I wonder if something is wrong or if she is hurting somewhere. I grew up insecure and felt unloved by some of my parents, so I am trying so hard to show Leia every ounce of love that I have so that she can never doubt how loved she is. But I know I am trying too hard to the point of frustration and exhaustion.

I basically have no idea what I am really doing, just a
blind woman walking. All I have is love, and from what I hear, that's all you need. I wish I could just understand her, but then again I have only had 5 months to get to know her. I don't want her to be spoiled but I want her to feel my love. There again I find my greatest need to find balance in all areas of my life. Some times it is annoying to hear other mothers talk because they act like they have everything together. But each of us deals with our own obstacles. I really think Leia is hyperactive and I might have to deal with an ADD child. Which is fine because I can keep her busy then, but right now she can't do the things I know she wants to. She can barely play with toys without getting mad at them.

I am torn as a mother. I am trying to find balance in this. Do I answer to her every cry or do I let her feel stress as a result of crying? At the same time I don't want her to feel stress as a baby. Do I pick her up or do I let her fuss while I do things I need to do? So much I am learning right now, as if I am being prepared for the hardest job in the world. But mothers only do it because their love is greater for their child than themselves. To me that is enough, even if I feel empty and drained every day. They say it gets easier, but I am sure only SOME things become easier and others become harder. So I am still trying to figure this whole mommy thing out. I love being a mother! Best job ever, hardest job ever and yet most rewarding job ever. I will continue to give her my best and hopefully I can begin to find the balance I seek.

The Time I worked At The Cuckoo's Nest

In July of 2013 I received my Bachelor's Degree in Psychology. Boy was that not easy. I even had to take a year off because of financial reasons. I basically was only able to attend school with the help of loans and financial aid. I was ready to start a job in psychology, so I started applying for counseling jobs. Soon enough I got an interview for a mental health counselor position in Riverside. I got the job! I was very excited for this new role. But to be honest, I had absolutely no experience and I had no idea what I was going to be dealing with.

My job as a mental health counselor was to perform hourly groups with the residents at the mental health center I worked at. These groups would help residents with different things like, understanding their mental illness, managing their symptoms and how to live with their peers in peace. I will not use any actual names to protect the resident's identity and confidentiality. I was in charge of about 15 residents. I was responsible for counseling their ill behavior and encouraging them to attend group every hour. I became somewhat attached to my group of residents. I truly cared for them and wanted to help them. The sad part is a lot of the workers there didn't and treated them like scum.

One resident, I'll call him Steve, was very needy. He was like a 40 year old child and I treated him like he was my own child. He had to use a special wheel chair with bars to get around. He had a kind heart but would definitely mouth off to the other residents from time to time. But luckily most of them didn't hear him because he could only talk with a whisper. You would have to get real close to his face to hear him talk. He also would refuse to take himself to the restroom, so he would pee himself. I would always be pushing him down the hallways to get him to the restroom in time.

Most of the residents suffered from schizophrenia, depression and bipolar disorder. Many were even paired with physical handicaps and illness. Another resident, I'll call him Rocky, liked to eat cigarettes off the ground. But he sure was a sweet man. He suffered from delusions and hallucinations. He could have conversations with people in his head all day long. Sometimes although the residents were sweet, they could become very violent towards one another. I cannot count the many times I had to yell "Code Amber!" Many times I had to hold them down to keep them from destroying each other. Aggression is a part of the mental illness these people suffered from. Many of them believed delusions about their lives too. One woman believed she was a nurse and was still attending school everyday. Some times they could be so delusional they didn't think anything was wrong with them. Some weren't even sure why they were there.

I had one resident who thought I was his wife and became fixated on me. I told my higher ups but they didn't think it necessary to change him to a different group. So I delt with him blowing me kisses and fits of jealousy towards the other residents. He even socked another resident in the face for talking to me. I was blamed for that because for some reason I should've known that was going to happen. My residents did some pretty crazy things, but I grew to love them all. Too bad I couldn't say that about the people I worked for. It was obvious they had an issue with me, especially since Caucasian was a minority there. I am not racist at all, but they separated themselves for me and were very hard on me. I swear I got in trouble for everything. I am the type of person that will stand up for injustice so I didn't let them blame me for everything like they wanted to. I was new and sensitive which made me an easy scapegoat. I even got written up for something I didn't do. I refused to sign it. I am sure that is what led to me being fired...for the first time ever. They tried to fight me on unemployment, but after everything was investigated, it was proved that they had no good reason to fire me. This place was such a dysfunctional work environment. I practically walked in on some coworkers doing who knows what in the dark...both were married...at the time. I'm not judging, but that looks pretty fishy to me.

The day I was fired, I went to see all my residents to say goodbye. I was holding back tears. One resident started crying and wished me all the best. Another started yelling at me because he thought I was abandoning him. He kept yelling, "You were going to help me!" He became violent with the staff and was escorted to his room. I really didn't like my job, but I grew to love these individuals. To this day I wonder how they are being treated now and how they are doing. But I still don't ever want to be a mental health counselor again.

The Adventures of Chipper: Pirates Weekend

Every year in October Catalina has a weekend themed around Pirates. Everyone travels there and is dressed up as pirates the entire weekend. This also means they act like pirates too. We set sail Thursday night on our Cal 25 to Catalina with a few guests. Yes, we had four people on our tiny boat for an entire weekend. Things were going to get interesting. Especially since I tend to like my personal space. I had my reservations but I went with so I could try something new. 

We left in the early evening and it darkened quickly. My husband's brother caught some zzzzz's while me, my husband and his friend poured some Rum and Coke's. After some hours we were approaching Two Harbors at Catalina. It was very dark and we couldn't see anything. My husband was peering out at the bow and I saw a sign...in the middle of the water. I couldn't tell how close we were because I lack depth perception. I tried to turn us away but it was too late! We hit a reef and our small boat started tipping from left to right. My brother in law jumped over my husband to the higher point of the boat. My husband got us out and we were back in deeper water. We called in to land to get a mooring and possible assistance. The whole time I was on the phone my husband's friend, Chipper, was yelling at me for a flash light. For what reason? I still have no idea what he needed it for. I was trying to talk to the person on land so I completely ignored him. He was already wasted in drunkenness and it was only our first night. This was my first time spending time with Chipper.

We finally anchored to our mooring. We were all pretty tired except Chipper. He started talking to our neighbors about how he is a medic, even though he is an EMT. He created this story of his life that he told every single person we met that weekend. He even brought banana bags. Anyways, my husband and I went off to bed and listened to him tell drunken stories to our neighbors.

The next day we were so excited to go on land and join the other pirates who had traveled to Catalina for the weekend. We got in our pirate costumes and headed to land. Everyone we saw was dressed up. Everyone even spoke like pirates. That night was super fun. We hit up the local bar where all the pirates were dancing. Other pirates we coming up to us having us drink their buffalo milk. Chipper and my brother in law were off doing their own thing. My brother in law has a way with people and ended up getting most of his drinks free. He's quite the entertainer. We danced and drank the rest of the evening. We met some crazy fun people that evening.

The next day a small storm was making waves and we were sloshing back and forth. We didn't feel great from the night before. The mixture of these two was making us ill so we headed for land and just sat there. We needed stable ground to keep us from getting any sicker. That day we relaxed but Chipper was still going. He had been drinking for two days straight now. When he would start to get sober he would chug Fireball Whiskey. He told me of a woman friend that was coming to hang with him. I warned him not to bring her on our boat. It was loaded enough already, especially with the huge mess everyone was making. A few hours later when I was laying down I hear Chipper and a giggly girl. Let's just say she was a bit over weight and was trying to climb into the boat. She ended up falling into the boat, making the whole thing rock. I decided to try to be welcoming to her since she didn't know I told Chipper no more guests. She began to thank me for letting her stay on the boat and taking her home. Ummmmm...What? This is how I found out we now had a new permanent guest that weekend. So we had 5 guests on  25ft sailboat. Everyone pretty much did their own thing the rest of the weekend.

My husband had become ticked off with Chipper for basically making a huge mess out of our boat, being completely wasted and dumping rocks on deck, so he wanted to play a little trick on him. Chipper was in the dingy talking to more neighbors about how he is a medic, even though he is an EMT. To be a medic you have to go through a lot more schooling. My husband got in the water and swam under the dingy. All of a sudden Chipper was dumped out in the ocean and my husband was no where to be found. That is how sneaky he can be. After all the guy left us stranded on land many times because he would take our dingy whenever he wished to do so.

We decided to take our dingy out on a little venture around the harbor. We ended up running into a friend who we just sold our Tiller to back on land. He was a cool chill guy and invited us onto his ship. His ship was awesome! It had much more head room than ours and he even put a bean bag on deck. From there we hopped to another boat, a catamaran. We lounged on the netting and swam with everyone. People we had just met for the first time. In boating you meet lots of interesting people. We saw a huge starfish walking with long legs under the boat. My husband went down and brought it up for a second. The clear water was great for snorkeling. That night we enjoyed some more Buffalo Milk with the pirates of Catalina. The odd thing was, to get into the bar you had to pay for a wristband and Chipper didn't. We saw him there every night...hmmmmm.

By Sunday it was time to start heading back. Chipper was still drunk and now crying because he disobeyed his sponsor and parents for drinking again. His female friend comforted him. We set sail for Dana Point. I was relieved to be back on our way. I didn't know how much more pirate drunkenness I could handle, even though I did have loads of fun with my husband and brother in law. Chipper ended up becoming very sick, hurling over the edge of the boat. We started to run into a bit of a storm. Our horizon was dark and foggy as the winds became stronger and stronger. My brother in law would come up on deck once in a while to ask if we were going to die and if we needed to call the Coast Guard. My husband and I would just laugh because we knew this was nothing. It would help us get home faster if anything.

After hours of sailing we finally made it back to the harbor. I turned on the lights and witnessed the worst mess I have ever seen. Everyone started grabbing their things and packing up. We were all exhausted so I wasn't going to deal with the mess yet. The next time I came back I had to clean everything, including blood and rocks that were on deck. I continued to find broken handles on our doors from "elephants" trampling the place, which my husband had to fix. That weekend we learned never to plan a trip like that again. Never spend a weekend with an alcoholic on a 25ft boat. Make sure you can get along for a whole weekend too...haha. Number one lesson is respect. If your friends don't respect you and themselves, they will not respect the space you invite them into. All in all it was an awesome pirate weekend in Catalina with some unforgettable experiences.



www.mydoterra.com/jacquelinedavison

Sail!

Two summers ago my husband and I bought a sailboat. It had been one of my husband's dreams to have one. I was surprised how inexpensive used sailboats were. I think it is was only $2500. As soon as we purchased it, my husband wanted to be on it as much as possible. I did too, but I just go with the flow anyways. We were ready to take this thing out into the ocean. There was only one problem. We didn't know how to sail. You have to learn how to sail. There is no way around that. It's kind of like an art and you have to learn the lingo too. Luckily, we made friends quickly on our dock. We met some pretty cool characters. These three guys, "Red Beard", John and Garret, were some of the most awesome people we have met to this this day. They really made everything fun about that dock and they sailed regularly. A few even lived on their boat. We would take turns hanging out on each other's boat with Rum in one hand and Coke in the other.

John offered to take us out on our boat and teach us the ropes of sailing. We invited a few friends out and set sail. This guy knew pretty much everything you need to know about sailing. Sailing requires doing multiple things at once. One person was in charge of the tiller, which is what you use to steer. Left goes right and right goes left. Even right and left are referred to as port and starboard. John designated jobs to each of us who were sitting near the sails. Depending on direction, wind and speed the sails would need to be let out or tightened. I still don't have all the lingo down. Our sailboat had two sails: the main sail and the jib sail. That day John taught us everything we needed to know and all he wanted in return was cigarettes.

Did I mention that my husband is brave? Well, after one lesson he was sure we were ready to set sail on our own! We planned our first trip to Catalina. I'm not going to lie but I was scared. Not only do I get sea sick/motion sickness, but it would take us hours to get there in a sailboat. It really depends on the wind. I was ready to face my fear. I didn't tell my husband how scared I was. I took some anti nausea pills and was ready to set sail. We had been sailing a few hours already but the winds were weak and we weren't making much progress. We poured another Rum and Coke and decided to motor sail for a bit. We had the music blasting and were dancing around the boat just the two of us. Our favorite song, Sail, came on and suddenly our sails were taken by the wind. We were so excited! We felt like we were flying on the water! It is a great feeling when you can count on the wind to take you places, just like Columbus did. We started going so fast we didn't need to motor sail anymore. The wind pushed us the rest of the way to Catalina. "Land Ho!" Catalina was in sight! We anchored to a mooring and headed for town to get some grub. We had been making mini salami sandwiches all day with our Rum and Cokes. Sailboats really bring out the pirate in you.

We hit up a pizza place and afterwards a bar that was shaped like a ship on the inside. That night the waves rocked us to sleep. It was a beautiful morning waking up on the ocean, but the fog worried us. We weren't sure we could see our way back. We set sail back to Dana Point Harbor with my eyes glued to the compass. We we arrived our friends all wondered where we had gone since they saw our boat gone. They couldn't believe we already took it out on our first adventure, especially with the foggy conditions. We jumped off the boat and I kissed the dock. It was an 11 hour venture. I was relieved that the trip was a success and I didn't get too sick if I just stayed in one place on the boat. Going to the bathroom was a different story. Trying to stay put on the toilet that's bouncing up and down is definitely a challenge. The bathroom was so tiny, my knees practically went up to my chest. I was glad to be back on land from our very first sailing adventure. That was just the beginning...

OCD: The REAL OCD

In our culture, mental disease is looked down upon. People make jokes about it. If you admit to some kind of mental health disorder people write you off as clinically insane. With this stigma it is difficult for those who suffer to reach out. When one is forced to deal with anxiety or overwhelming depression on their own it can be overbearing and result in cases like with Robin Williams. I have told very few people of the battle that wages war in my mind everyday. My husband is the only person to know of its true nature. The influence is great.

I struggle from the real OCD everyday. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce uneasiness, apprehension, fear or worry (obsessions), repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing the associated anxiety (compulsions), or a combination of such obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are thoughts that recur and persist despite efforts to ignore or confront them. People with OCD frequently perform tasks, or compulsions, to seek relief from obsession-related anxiety.  Some days are easier and some days are worse. The symptoms also get worse when my hormones are out of balance. This is one reason why my pregnancy was difficult for me. I had high anxiety the whole time. The intrusive thoughts that I have are things that I do not want to think, nor do I even agree with most of the time. I wish they would go away, but I feel as a slave to them. For example, when I was a child I needed to go through the entire house and check all of the locks even though I knew my parents had locked them. Then I would lay in bed and still feel like I needed to make sure they were locked again. I feel the need to check things often to feel secure in my environment. When Leia was born I couldn't sleep because I was checking her breathing all night.

I used to have to check my car over and over again to make sure the E break was on. I realized a lot of things were starting to control me so I would force myself not to give in to these compulsions. I would conquer one and unconsciously move on to another. These thoughts and compulsions are completely irrational.  But for some reason just knowing that doesn't make them go away. I have gotten better with not acting out my compulsions, but the battle is still in my mind. I just can control my behavior about it. There are many different symptoms to OCD and every sufferer has it different. No case is the same. I fear uncertainty. Well, that's a tough one considering nothing in life is certain. I have lost all of my loved ones at one time or another, so I think some of it stems from that. I wonder if my husband will really love me forever liked he promised on our wedding day. That is not certain, but I walk in faith and believe his words. It makes me a little uneasy, but I have to learn to live with that. I try to control many things around me because I think if I control it nothing bad will happen. That's a hoot! But then if something bad happens even if I have nothing to do with it, I take responsibility for it.

I just think that people should talk about what they struggle with, then maybe they wouldn't feel alone in their struggle. Maybe there would be less suicides if we knew what was really going on in each other's lives.  I have many people who love me and I have many people to love. These people accept me no matter what, regardless of the anxieties I have which sometimes affect those I am around. One of my compulsions when I become anxious is to ask tons of questions. My poor husband now understands why I do it and how to help me stop. What I have noticed is that I do a whole lot better when I don't let myself sit in bed and think about these many obsessive thoughts that won't leave me alone. Instead now, I get up and write my blog. Writing has done wonders for me and my mind. It is freeing! My anxiety has decreased a lot since I have started writing. If you or someone else you know struggles from anxiety or deep depression, I hope you reach out to them and let them know they are not alone. Everyone has their vices; this is mine.

Living in a Motor Home VS Trailer

For the Davison family, we chose to travel and live in a motor home. We haven't purchased a tow dolly yet, so I follow my husband in our car with our baby in the backseat. Our car gets great gas mileage, so it isn't a problem. That way we always have a gas saver to drive around in when we arrive at our destination. Trailers require being towed by a truck, most of the time a gas guzzler. This means that you will need to drive around your gas guzzler for little grocery store trips. But on the other hand trailers are less expensive and can have lots of little extras like space for bunk beds, which is perfect for a family. I wish I could find a motor home with bunks, but the pull out beds still do the trick just as well and will be better in the long run because kids grow like weeds. There is also a huge price difference between the two. New Luxury motor homes can go upwards of $100,000, but you can get a nice trailer for $10-20 grand. With a trailer you also don't have to worry about engine trouble or oil changes or anything like that.

Concerning gas mileage, you get less with a motor home. The average is less than 10 miles per gallon. Motor homes though tend to offer more amenities and more space. With compete kitchens, dining areas, couches, entertainment centers and separate bedrooms, they're popular among many who like to camp in style. This is why in this economy they make a great option for living. They are less expensive than  a house. You can use the extra money you save to do things you really want like travel places or save for a car you really want. If you finance a very expensive new one, the payments usually end up being very low as well because they can be financed longer. Unless you have poor credit. They consider motor homes to be a luxury item, so they are much harder to get financing on. You best bet is to pay cash. Which is what we are going to have to do. Everything follows you from your past. I have $30,000 in school loan debt and my husband has a boat reposition from years ago and his name is on a bank loan from when he had a house with his ex-wife. The crazy lady never refinanced. I got so lucky he didn't have kids with her. Anyways, let me get back on track. When choosing a motor home or trailer, it really depends on what you want and how much you want to spend. Motor homes have a lot of storage so finding places for things isn't a challenge, but then again we did get rid of extras. My husband sold all his dirt toys. Going off-roading and what not is a little more difficult with an infant. I got rid of hundreds of dollars of loose leaf tea that I used to sell, purses, clothes, teapots, etc. I had a huge teapot collection. But at the end of the day, are we really going to let things hold us back from doing bigger things with our lives? No. It's not like we can take them with us when we die and they cause a lot of clutter. I still have a lot of clothes and shoes but I pack them away well and my husband doesn't even know they are there. The other day I pulled out one ornament I had been saving. He said, "You have been lugging around a glass ornament this whole time?" So If I really want to keep something, I make sure I have a place for it. It's really easy for me to get rid of things now, but it wasn't always that way. When I was growing up with my dad he was wealthy. I had clothes and purses and barbies and beanie babies and movies. But the day I ran away I gave up everything. All I had that day was a hoodie, underwear and makeup. Don't ask me why I grabbed all my makeup when I was running away...haha. I was a 15 year old girl for sure. I have lived a lesser life since then, but I have found the true riches; everything that love brings.

I personally love living in a motor home. Before when my husband and I were looking at houses, we had no idea where we wanted to live. But now we can live where we want and move every time we change our mind. I guess we did get lucky because my husband can work remotely from his computer. Please feel free to share any of your knowledge on motor homes and trailers. Have you traveled in the states? Are there are places you recommend?

I Wonder About Noel

Sometimes when I can't sleep I think about the many people who have come and gone from my life. Some of them I wish to forget, some I'm glad I knew and others I wonder if our paths will ever meet again. There is one I think about and wonder how she is or what she life looks like now. I will call her Noel for identity purposes.

When I lived with my dad, I had a stepsister. I met her when she was two years old. I treated her as though she was my very own sister. We had a very special and unique relationship. She has cerebral palsy. A very severe case where she will never walk or talk like the average person can. I actually helped to care for her because she was a very heavy burden for my step-mother. She wasn't potty trained in the years I knew her. She couldn't get around on her own except for scooting her bottom across the floor. She could say some words like "din din" for dinner, "more", "mama", "Ra Ra" for my brother, and "Nana" for me. She always called me "Nana". I would sleep with her at night to help her sleep, also in case she needed help. I would play with her during the day. We would play ball or I would try to teach her new words using flashcards. We listened to music together and watched movies together. I would carry her around as she became older and much larger.

She had some behaviors that backfired on me sometimes. She would throw temper tantrums. No one knew what she wanted and she couldn't express herself. I  always thought she was smart but couldn't communicate it. When she would get upset she would hit herself very hard on the head. If I needed to carry her to her room because she was acting up, she would pull out my hair. She didn't have that alarm in her brain that said "stop", so she would pull chunks out of my head. I understood why she had these issues and tried to be patient with her. I treated her more like my child or something.

When I left my dad's, I never went back. The last memory I have of her is when I hugged her before I ran away. I wonder what she thought that day or why I never came back. I wonder what she thinks happened to "Nana". I was told that they told her I am no more..."No more Nana". I can't imagine what that meant to her since we were together all the time, except for when I was at school. I know that for me it feels like she died. I have not seen her since I was 15 years old. I wonder who will take care of her when her parents become too old to manage her. I wonder what she looks like now and how she has grown. I don't think I will ever see her again, but there is a huge place in my heart that is forever hers.

Location Update

We have had quite the busy last few days. Yesterday we left Needles, CA and we are now staying in Hemet. We stayed in Needles for a month at Pirate Cove. Just as a note for other travelers I wouldn't recommend Pirate Cove if you want to be near civilization. It was very barren and we had to drive far to go to a grocery store. The set up is really cool, but it's not happening at all. Maybe it would be in the summer. The restaurant is very pricey as are their drinks. The drinks aren't strong enough for the price you pay, haha. Overall it was a nice stay. It gave us plenty of time to visit my husband's Arizona family. I finally feel like I know them better. They sure are a fun group of people. We had to go from Needles to Hemet to drop off the RV. Then we had to race to Carlsbad for Leia's checkup, then back to Hemet. We arrived after dark, so we parked on my mom's street and camped there for the night. Last night was so rough. Leia had gotten two shots and had a very hard time sleeping. She even woke up a few times hysterically crying. She must have been in pain. Today we finally have everything settled with the RV. Besides getting some rest, our next plan is too save money the next couple of months so that we can purchase a newer RV.  In order to do that we are staying at an inexpensive RV park. It's going to be awesome being near my mom for the next few months. Stay tuned for the next update :)

SEX ....Just Read it

When I was fifteen I became very religious. I attempted to follow every rule, including abstinence until marriage. I always wanted to get married so I figured I could wait it out until then. It would be worth the wait right? Plus, everyone said the first time would be amazing. I was doing pretty good until I turned 21. I started getting frustrated that I wasn't married yet because I kept getting into long term relationships. I was obviously very impatient. These guys would date me forever but always unsure about marriage. I started making deadlines for these guys. I wasn't going to wait forever and I wanted to meet the right guy that was just as ready

as I was. The first guy got three years, then I broke up with him. The second wasn't serious even after two years so I ended that too. When I became 21 I was frustrated and wanted to experience what everyone talked about. I became very impatient. I eventually gave it away to the guy I dated for two years. I did wait longer than most I know. Probably set a record...haha.

Everyone talked about sex like it was some amazing thing and worth saving. Well, let me tell you. I was so let down. Afterwards I was like, that's it? That's what I waited 21 years for? Nothing too special. Now looking back I don't think it's sex your waiting for. I think it's the right person you are waiting for because when I met my husband everything was different. We had the emotional and physical connection and that makes a world of difference. I beat myself up really hard for losing my virginity before I got married. Only 2 years later and I was married to my husband at the age of 23.

One thing is for sure, I am glad I at least tried to save myself because I don't have a lengthy sexual past and I avoided many STD's by limiting my chances of getting them. I guess when you meet the right person, it doesn't matter if it's already lost because everything is new. If you have a strong enough connection, it feels like you are each other's first.

I Love My Abuser

There is one subject I have been avoiding. It's one that for me, is the hardest to talk about. I can talk about emotional abuse all day long, but physical abuse is another story.

I was physically abused by my father throughout my childhood. It wasn't an everyday thing but it happened enough for me to become extremely fearful of him. That fear has transferred itself into many areas of my life. When I see violence happening I cannot handle it because of the anxiety I am overcome with. I still hide if I hear people adults fighting. My heart is very torn because I love my dad very much, but he did make mistakes just like everyone else. I guess his were a bit more severe though. He has many good things about him. When he was sober and not upset he took good care of my brother and I, especially when he was a single dad. He had no idea what to do with a girl, so he dressed me just like my brother and sent us to school with Top Roman in brown bags that we would eat dry. We actually loved the stuff. Every morning on our way to school he would stop and get me a Grandma's Chocolate Chip cookie. There was a time for a while after my parents divorced that me, my brother and dad lived in a barn he had built. We slept on hay bales. This sounds off-putting, but we loved it. We didn't know the difference. We would wake up in the morning and play at the ranch. We had lots of animals like a pig, horses and pony and chickens. We also would ride our 50cc motorcycle and quad there. My brother and I had fun playing a lot.

My dad didn't become violent often when we were really young, just spankings. His violence became worse as we got older. His fuse became shorter and shorter over time. I remember one time, my brother and I were making fun of one of his close friends and he became upset. We saw the look in his eyes and started running for my room because it was on the second story and the furthest away. He started chasing us up the stairs. We knew it was inevitable for him to catch us. When he got to my room, my brother and I were huddled together. He grabbed and smacked us together. He threw us on my bed and told us to get against the wall and started yelling at us. Poison heard what was going on and came up stairs. He left the room and we hid in the bathroom where I was attending to my bloody nose. All of a sudden he was acting like nothing happened and that he didn't hurt us.

When I was a teenager we had a boat. A lot of the fighting happened on the boat. When our friends found out we had a boat they thought it was so cool. Not to me. To me it was just another place for fighting. One time I was singing when I was in bed because I was bored. My dad told me to be quiet, but from his tone I didn't think he actually cared. Well, I was wrong. He came into where I was laying in my bunk against the wall and started slapping me everywhere. After he was done slapping me and took me out of the boat and into his truck. He told me when we got to Big Bear he was going to fuck me up. He decided to stop in Los Angeles and told me to get out of the car. I was so scared of him I wanted to get out. I went for the door, but he locked it and told me I was crazy. Anything was better than being with him right then. There are too many times my dad became physical. I do not have the time to even begin to write of all them.

I wasn't the only one who felt my father's wrath. My brother endured a lot as well. One day when my brother got home from school he tried to get into the house. It was locked so he kicked it. He didn't realize it would break the door. Poison was pissed and said my dad would deal with him later. I remind you, this was over a door...that's it. When my dad got home, Poison was pestering him about how he was going to punish his son. I was up stairs in my room with my younger step sister who has cerebral palsy. He called my brother to the kitchen where it quickly escalated. I could hear him hitting and beating my brother from up stairs! I didn't know what to do. I was too afraid to do anything. I had an old phone hidden in my room but I thought if I were to call the cops on him he would beat me too. So I listened, cried and started praying over and over again for it to stop. I am so infuriated just writing this. My step-mom was watching this happen and didn't do anything. Nope, she encouraged it! Dylan came upstairs and I looked at his back to see the damaged. He was red and purple all over his back. The next day at school kids noticed the markings in his gym class. Someone told a teacher, but my brother denied everything. Every time my dad would have to deal with the cops about us we would get punished. We weren't going to tell anyone.The cops couldn't even protect us.

On time in elementary school, the cops came to talk to us because they got a tip that we were being abused. They checked our bodies for marks. We told them a little but not much. They told us we could confide in them and that they wouldn't repeat what we said. We told them we wanted to live with our mom. This message was relayed to my dad and step-mom. We were confined to our rooms. They said if we didn't want to be a part of the family we could stay in our rooms. That's the last time we told anyone anything in authority.

When I was in the sixth grade I had a problem with lying and stealing. My parents showed up one day at school and questioned my class mates. They wanted to find out about the lies and what I had been stealing. The sad part was that I only stole from my family. I trembled when I saw them on the playground. I ran to meet them to see what was happening. They went to talk to my teacher and took me out of school. When I got home I had to sit and wait for my dad to get off work. When he got home I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs and began to tremble in fear. First he tore everything off my wall. Next he trampled on all of my things and broke them. Everything he broke he threw at me. He then lifted up my twin bed on its side and had me put my hands on it. He began to whip me. He whipped me so long even Poison tried telling him that was enough. He said that it wasn't and that I wasn't getting the picture. After he was done, I was told to pack all of my things in bags. They took all of my things out of my room except one outfit and a notepad. I was to wear this outfit everyday. I was taken out of school for the rest of the year. The next day I was given yet another boy haircut. I was confined to my room everyday where I had to read and write pages of reports. If Poison needed to go somewhere she would leave me in the car, sometimes for hours.

I was alone for months this time. It was different from all the other punishments. It lasted a whole summer. When my birthday came that June it was not to be celebrated as a part of my punishment. When I would finished my reports I would write poetry about my sadness. Writing poetry really saved me during that time. When I finally rejoined my classmates in middle school I had changed. I was never the same girl I feel. I had fewer friends from being gone so long. I was embarrassed for the haircuts and clothes they made me wear. My self worth was hanging in the gutter.

These are just a few of the abusive events. I don't understand why I still continue to love my dad sometimes. I guess it's unconditional love I have because I came from him and I know the man he can be or could be. I have worked since I was sixteen to reconcile us, but the truth is there are a lot of scars. I'm not sure they will ever heal. I believe in forgiveness. If I ever want to be forgiven of my wrongs, I must learn to forgive others of theirs, no matter how bad. I don't write this to tear my father down, but the truth needs to be told. As far as I know he still thinks abusing his kids is okay because they are his property, but it is not okay. Abusing children will never be okay. I hope one day he can realize all the pain and heartache that he caused my brother and I. I hope he can realize one day that despite all of this we still love him and reach out to him.

If you ever read this dad, we love you. We were very hurt by our upbringing, but we know it has made us strong. It has made us who we are today and we are proud of that. I hope one day you can experience true freedom, love and joy. Because when you are ready, we are here.

Bye Bye Doggie

A few days ago, my husband and I took in a puppy. There was a woman outside of a grocery store with a whole litter! These puppies were gorgeous! My husband has been wanting a dog or puppy for a very long time, so he fell in love instantly. We took the little guy home with us. We got him food and all his necessities. In the past I didn't care for animals much. I just never wanted anything to take care of, except my turtle. I hate picking up poop and what not. This puppy was different though. He was such a good dog! He was playful and gentle and super cute with his floppy ears. Everything was going great until we went to bed. Oh my goodness, it was like having another baby!!!!! This dog whined so bad! I am already up many times in the night with our infant, so I refused to lose more sleep. I told my husband that that's his baby...haha. He was up and down all night trying to comfort the puppy. He also cleaned up after him multiple times in the night. It was like having a newborn all over again and we were not about to sign up for that. Plus, I start to lose it when I am sleep deprived.

I woke up upset the next day. But despite his crying, he was really good during the day. He would give Leia kisses and she loved petting him. I thought they were perfect for each other. She was even less fussy because she wasn't getting bored with a puppy around. When you would take him on a walk he would follow you and he was even getting potty trained fairly fast. We decided to give him another chance that night. Once again he started crying off and on all night. My husband ended up having to go sleep on the couch with the puppy. I have lost sleep for almost five months now and I couldn't handle a high maintenance pup. My husband was also wore out. We decided we needed to find him a better home. We walked around the casinos in Laughlin looking for a home for him. We finally found a hotel employee that had a thirteen year old that wanted a puppy. This child could give him all the attention he deserved. I have never gotten attached to a dog, especially in two days. My perception about animals has really changed since I met my husband.

My husband is kind to animals and develops relationships with them. I didn't even know you could have a relationship with a dog. I had quickly became attached to this cute fuzz ball. When the employee picked up the dog my heart sank. I wish we could keep him. I wish he didn't cry more than my baby, but we were not ready for that. My husband still wants a dog. This is not the first time a puppy wasn't right for us. One day we will find the one that suites our family. I just hope the new owners we found love him and treat him well.