This Christmas I Will Remember

It's that time of year when I think the most about my deceased grandmother, Louanne Browne. When I was growing up, we loved visiting my grandparents. But when I was separated from my mom for six years, I didn't see them as well.Years later my mother told me that my grandma had a picture of Jesus and put a picture of my younger brother and I next to it. She would say one day Jesus would reunite us again and he did. When I reunited with my mother I was fifteen years old. Not to long after we reunited, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer.

 Before I found out I heard my mother sobbing on the phone. I had no idea who she was talking about or what happened, but I knew it was bad. After my mother told me the news I went to my room and sat in a corner and wrapped myself in my blanket. I began to cry

and pray. I told God not to take her yet. I had just gotten her back in my life and I hadn't had enough time with her. I just remember saying please over and over. We were very blessed because she lasted much longer than I expected. I was able to spend more holidays and special times with her. It was always a joyful time every time I visited her. As time went on, our family knew she was getting closer and closer to her death. My grandpa Browne made her last days full of life. He didn't withhold any desire from her. I knew to cherish every visit with her. The day I moved into my college dorm was the day I found out of her passing. Finally she would have peace and not fight this demon anymore. I would miss her deeply but I was never upset about her death. She was free! To keep her here on earth would only allow more suffering. Death hurts, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing. But then again I might change my mind if I lost someone even closer to me.

Everything has been different since she left. She was the glue that held our family together. Every year we would have the famous Browne family Christmas party at the grandparent's house. My grandpa would decorate every year with hundreds of lights. He was legendary for his Christmas light decorations. Now, the family Christmas isn't at the grandparent's house anymore and I do understand why. But it's changed so much. All of the family doesn't come together like it used to. Only some family members come out to celebrate. When grandma was around, all the siblings and their children would come. It has decreased by 50%. Maybe I am trying too hard to hold on to the old, but it was a great tradition and now I feel like I am watching it fall apart. Everyone is going their own ways. But I guess that is to be expected because life is ever changing. It just makes me miss her even more. Even though she is gone, I feel her spirit often. I feel closer to her than ever. Is that weird considering she's dead? I don't really know, but I cannot deny that I still feel her presence. This Christmas I will remember her favorite holiday and her Christmas cheer. Her faith is admirable and her spirit is ever living. Merry Christmas Grandma Browne! Give a kiss to the King of Kings for me.