God is Faithful to His Children

Last night I woke at 5am. Leia woke up for a drink of Mama's Warm Goodness, haha. After she turned over I looked up at her and thought about how precious she is. I couldn't help but thank God for her. 

That got me thinking about how my life was before I learned who Jesus was and started praying. Now, I'm not the most religious person. I don't go to church or bible study every week, but I do talk to God a lot. I was 15 1/2 when I started this prayer relationship with him. Before that my life was horrible and scary. I felt alone and empty. I contemplated taking my own life many times. I was often hopeless and afraid of everything, including my parents at the time. When I became a teenager I knew there must be more to life because if that was it, I was screwed. But ever since I started praying my life changed forever and for good. 

One of my first prayers was for God to save me from my present situation when I was in foster care. What did He do? He reunited my mother and me. I got to live the rest of my childhood with her. When I was 16 years old my heart was broken for the first time. What did God do when I prayed? He didn't let me near that man again and later brought me a man I can't imagine living without. I have numerous answered prayers... I used to write them down, but there's too many now to count.  When I say answered prayers I don't mean he said yes to everything. I mean he answered them every time with either, "yes, no or not now". Even if I didn't get what I wanted, I found out later why and I ended up with something better. 

So when I woke up at 5am with Leia, I couldn't help but thank God for all the wonderful things he has done in my life  since He came into it. It changed forever. I just wanted to share that with you guys. 

The Great Transition

Moving out of our old 1985 RV is proving to be a lot more work than I expected. The only place we have to move out things into is a small shed at the RV park. I didn't realize how much we stuffed in our RV! We still manage to have a ton of crap! We have to move everything out by Saturday morning then do the exchange with the new buyer. We are not supposed to move into our new RV until Sunday so we will be staying with my mom while we are RV-less. Hopefully everything will work out. I feel like we are trying to do a lot at the same time. 

This will be our first move with an infant. That means juggling her too...haha. Thank goodness for babywearing! That is going to be the best way for me to get anything done. 

This move is going to be bittersweet. We made some awesome memories in this old thing. We lived in a place that I know many others wouldn't. It has been our home on wheels for over a year. I might shed a tear when we say goodbye. He was a faithful RV that took us from Temecula to Oceanside to Blythe to Arizona and back to California. Hopefully the new owners enjoy this old bucket as much as we did. 

Let the moving continue!

From My Heart to Yours

Before I even start, I would like to clarify that my intention is not to brag about my husband, but to only show my appreciation for him. I don't have much to give to my husband except myself and acts of service. I wish I could give him so much more because he has blessed me so much. Yes, he has his flaws, but we all do. He makes mistakes like us all, but he has a heart of gold. I haven't seen a purer heart in a man. He has good intentions although sometimes they do not come out that way. I want to thank him for all the love and support he has given me. From the moment he met me he has been kind. I had no place to live and he offered me his roof. He knew many times that I was barely making enough money to care for myself and he would offer to buy me gas and food.

The more I get to know him, the more I love him. He seeks to make me happy to the point of sacrificing his own happiness. He has made me a very happy wife and mother. He works so hard for his family and to provide for us. He has forgiven me many times and shown me love in many ways. I am so thankful for him. I want him to know what he means to me, what he means to his family. I am so thankful for his kindness that I am overwhelmed. I know no other way to thank him than to write it out. So, Harley, if you are reading this know that you are appreciated and loved beyond all measure. You are mine and Leia's world. We are all broken in someway. I hope we can ALWAYS endure because it is worth it. Gold must be purified through fire, as does our character. Everyday is a gift with you. Thank you for showing me love and compassion over the years. The LORD certainly answered my prayers and fulfilled a promise to bring me a husband one day. It was you all along, but I had to wait for you. I am a little early, but HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

The Tragedy of American Healthcare

About two weeks ago I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and was told by my primary care physician that I might need my thyroid removed. I had an ultrasound done yesterday on my thyroid because I have a goiter. Today I went to see an endocrinologist, hopefully to get some answers. My hopes were high thinking she could identify what was going on with my thyroid and what to do about my goiter.

I left extremely disappointed. I am disappointed in the American healthcare system. They bounce you back and forth between doctors and specialists to only tell you something you already knew. The endocrinologist told me that I do have a goiter, which I have known for weeks. She thinks it's not that big of a deal even though it's pressing on my throat and making it difficult to swallow food. She thinks I might have Hashimotos, which I already knew as well. In my attempt to heal myself I have taken gluten and eggs out of my diet. I have also been restricting my sugar intake, taking daily supplements and essential oils. Maybe they have been working because when my primary doctor saw me he said my goiter was large enough that they would want to remove the thyroid. Today that was not the case. She wants to test my blood for autoimmune in two months! She thinks I need to be on hormone medication for a year, then take me off and see if my thyroid bounces back. That doesn't sound like a solution to me. That sounds like a dead end and a horrible plan. I knew everything that the specialist told me today! Why do I have to pay her to tell me basic information that I already know. She gave me no hope and no new information. She is basically asking me to live with my goiter and symptoms that I struggle with everyday! That means being enduring my high and low body temperature fluctuations, being exhausted by 3:00 pm, having the shakes, feeling light headed and dizzy and horrible sleep pattern... Just to name a few. 

This is not quality life and I refuse to believe it's over. I will find a way. I will find healing. Something needs to change in the American healthcare system. Their methods keep people in a state of constant sickness. There is no healing. I am an American citizen who is disappointed and dissatisfied with the healthcare in her country. Our healthcare is crumbling beneath us. Who can reconcile this? Who can make a difference? How can we change the healthcare system to actually meets people's needs and not just rely on endless prescription medication? We once lived without prescription medication, we can do it again. I am not giving up until I have found my healing and quality of life. 

For The Rejected

Lately I cannot help but notice people who have been rejected by their family members. I used to think I was alone in this, but I see people rejected by their own family all the time now. I like to think that in an ideal world, our family would be the first people to accept us and support us. I would like to think that family would be the first people at the finish line to cheer us on. I am not necessarily talking about immediate family. I am including all relatives in this generalization.


It hurts to be rejected, especially by your own flesh and blood. One of the people I look up to the most is Jesus Christ. He knew how to truly love and accept people, regardless of their flaws and he never turned anyone away from him. He had many many followers, but do you know who did not support him? His family and those from his homeland who had known him his entire life.

Jesus said, "Truly I tell you, no prophet is accepted in his hometown"(Luke 4:24). If Jesus who showed others love and forgiveness was rejected by his own people, how much more will we experience rejection from those around us. Jesus addressed this issue again saying,"A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home (Mark 6:4)." Though he is referring to a prophet, I believe this can be applicable to all of us who reach out to those around us, but are blatantly rejected. 

I don't know how comforting this is to other people, but it does comfort me. Sometimes just knowing that I am not alone encourages me. It encourages me to know that if one of the greatest men to walk this planet was rejected, that I can endure being rejected too, even if it is from my own flesh and blood. So if you have been rejected by those closest to you, be encouraged. They don't know the pain they cause. They are most likely oblivious of it altogether. Know that you are not alone and that you have an adoptive family. They may not be blood, but your friends can become your family. Those who share your passions and interests and beliefs have become your family. 

Therefore family no longer means your blood line, but those who love you and support you. That is your true family. Never take them for granted. Cherish the friendships you do have and know that being rejected isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes you can be rejected by the very people you do not need in your life. The ones that suck positive energy from you. Let them stay in their pool of negativism. You don't need that influence anyways. Regardless of the rejection you experience, don't ever give up. Keep being loving and being kind to those around you and you will be given what you deserve. For what you give, will be given back to you. "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:2)." With all this being said, being rejected can actually turn into a blessing. Receive the blessing of rejection.

Goodbye To Everything that I Knew

I never thought I would be that person that would have to avoid specific foods. Ever since I was a child I have always indulged in whatever I wanted. I never gained a pound and I thought I was healthy because I was thin and active. 

When I started middle school I started having stomach issues, especially at school. I started sneaking pepto bismo to school. Sometimes during class I would get bad stomach cramps and get very hot. I always ran out of the class and told my teacher later. This went on for years. When I was 20 years old I had a colonoscopy and was told I have bacterial colitis and that there was nothing I could do about it. I was adviced to take Imodium everyday. I was told my condition would never be cured but could be dormant sometimes. 

I continued living everyday with my embarrassing stomach issues. Every boyfriend had to know at any moment I might need to rush to the bathroom. When I got pregnant with my daughter at age 24 my stomach issues went dormant. I thought I was doing great!

I let myself gain 50 lbs and thought it would just fall off afterwords. Well, it didn't. Two months after I gave birth I  was rigorously exercising by doing P90x and other workouts. I wasn't losing any weight. 

As the months went by I began to feel worse. I was exhausted all the time. I didn't have the energy to work out and my stomach issues came back. I started losing tons of hair and noticed a bulge in my throat. I had blood tests done and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which is why I couldn't lose any weight and why I was so exhausted. I have a goiter on my thyroid. It's putting pressure on my throat more and more each day. 

In the last two weeks I have had to completely alter my diet and get rid of all gluten. Gluten actually causes my immune system to attack my thyroid tissue. I am trying to learn how to live a completely new way. I feel like I am learning to walk or something. I have had to chuck out everything I knew about nutrition out the window and start from scratch. No more indulgences, no more gluten. I have to heal myself or my condition will get worse. 

I'm excited to learn how to live healthier  but at the same time it's very overwhelming. I'm not the type to try the newest diet because everyone else is. Trust me, I would love to eat pretzel pizzas and sausage mcmuffins all day. I guess I am at a crossroads. I believe we have all the tools around us, we just need to use them. Healing is within reach, if we would only extend our hand. 

Wish me luck!

Taking Active Steps to Improve Health & Wellness

For many years I ignored health issues. For some years I didn't have health insurance or I didn't want to spend the time or money to find out what was going on with my health. I can no longer ignore the symptoms that I face daily because they have become almost unmanageable. I do not want to be on prescription medication for the rest of my life, therefore I need to make a huge lifestyle change. Continuing to ignore my body's signals and eating whatever I want is no longer an option. Eating whatever I wanted when I was pregnant really backfired.

I have started a new daily regimen to improve my health. Not only is this going to require discipline but also sacrifice. Here is my new daily regimen:

Capsule of Slim & Sassy essential oil blend 

- Hypothyroidism makes it practically impossible for your body to burn fat so I am going to need all the help I can get to stabilize my blood sugar levels and to boost my metabolism

Clove, lemongrass, frankincense and peppermint oil applied to my thyroid (also done in the evenings)

-Hormone therapy is only going to mask my symptoms, not treat the root problem, therefore I need to bring my thyroid back to its maximum performance 

Lifelong Vitality Pack 

-these include every essential nutrient my body needs for optimum function: vitamins, minerals, omega 3s and essential oils

-proven absorption... No more excreting vitamins

I am also taking Kelp daily for possible iodine deficiency. Our thyroid requires iodine to function properly.

I also need to cut a few things out of my diet: ice cream, bread, pasta, eggs, and sugars. All of these things make everything worse by inflaming my gut and causing digestive issues. Avoiding these foods is going to be the most difficult part because all of these foods have been a regular occurrence for me. Everyone is different, so these foods may not bother others but they wreck havoc on my body. I hope to see improvement in the next 30 days. In most cases, we can heal ourselves by altering our lifestyle and nutrition. Supplements are necessary when we lack daily nutrition. In this culture that is easy to do because processed foods and carbohydrates are the easiet to eat and they are everywhere. 

What steps are you actively taking to improve your health? 

If anyone wants to brainstorm a health improvement plan for themselves feel free to contact me and we can find a way to bring back your optimum health  too! 

My Present State

Today is yet another day that I am overwhelmed by my emotions. I do pretty good throughout the day, but by 5:00 pm I feel as though I have no more strength and energy. Throughout the day I feel weak and tired, making normal tasks difficult to complete. I do them, but I use all my energy. By the end of the day I feel physically and emotionally exhausted trying to keep up. I feel guilty because I cannot give my daughter the best of me. I am too tired to entertain her enough to occupy her. Sometimes when I feel like this I just sit and hold her or bounce her on my knee. I am not used to this lifestyle. I used to be hyper! I have been crying every night the last few nights. I have never experienced this exhaustion ever before. My thoughts are cloudy and my conversations make little sense.

Today I went out with my mother to see my younger brother before he heads off to Army Reserve training. When I looked back on the photos I took today I noticed the bulge in my throat. It's shocking to see how much it has grown in a month and that it feels like it's getting bigger everyday. I have now realized that this whole thyroid thing isn't going to just go away. It's not going to just magically disappear. I am going to have to do whatever it takes to get better and that's going to involve me being patient with the doctors. Taking the thyroid hormone doesn't fix the problem. It just helps the symptoms and gets my hormones up again. I need to find the root issue to why my thyroid basically quit on itself. This is the beginning of my journey for answers. Mentally, I am happy and grateful for the life and family I have. But sometimes I just need to let everything out in the open. To send my thoughts and emotions out into the world. I am actually surprised I am still feeling fatigued because usually patients who begin the medication notice a difference fairly quickly. But everyone is different, so it might take some more time. 

Someone must have hit the PAUSE button on my life because everything has slowed down. This has caused me to dive deeper into the meaning of life and how to live fully in the present moment. That is all we have, the present.

What May Come

Lately I have been extremely emotional with a heavy heart. I am very happy with my life but physically I have been feeling bad for some time now. Ever since I found out about my thyroid condition it makes much more sense. My goiter feels like it has grown over night, even though I know that can't be the case. Everyday the pressure on my throat is getting heavier and I am becoming impatient. I am impatient with the new medication I am on because I still have very low energy. I hate not feeling like myself. I still have two weeks until my ultrasound. That will reveal what's really going on and how it needs to be treated. This is effecting me a lot. Everyday I feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. I become irritated with the constant heaviness on my throat getting worse. 

This may not seem like a big deal to others but it is to me and is effecting me everyday. I don't know what's going to happen. I have never been comfortable with the unknown and uncertainty. I am scared I will need a treatment of some sort to get rid of my goiter. I am scared I won't be able to care for my daughter every second like I do now. She relies on me. She relies on my breastmilk. Many times I am the only one who can comfort her. I don't want to be apart from her and dealing with health issues. I am not going to pretend to be tough when I am afraid. Afraid for the future, not knowing what's next. My husband has enough burdens with work. I don't want him to have to juggle working and caring for Leia while I go to appointment after appointment. I guess I am a little overwhelmed right now. I know something is wrong, but what really freaks me out is not knowing or understanding what's happening. 

True Servanthood

Sometimes I enjoy speaking of spirituality. One story that has been pulling on my heart lately is one that I have read many times, but just because I have read it many times doesn't mean I have perfected it's teaching.

One of my favorite stories is of when Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. During their cultural time it was customary to wash one's feet before having a communal meal. This was because they walked around in sandals along filthy roads and ate very low to the floor. Your feet would be visible to those you dined with...as well as the smell of your feet. The washing of feet was normally performed by a servant in the house.

Prior to the last supper that Jesus had with his disciples he washed their feet as a slave or servant would do. This has a ton of historical significance. Peter tried to stop him because he thought Jesus was highly respected to be seen washing feet. But Jesus washed his feet anyways.  He was doing the work of the lowliest of servants. The disciples were stunned at this act of humility and condescension, that Christ, their Lord and master, should wash the feet of His disciples, when it was their proper work to have washed His. Jesus reminded the disciples that he came “not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” 

After Jesus washed their feet he told his disciples to go and do the same. He asked them to wash the feet of others, to go and serve others. He didn't teach them to lord authority over others, but to be humble, to love and to serve others. He didn't teach his followers to think themselves better or higher than others. The true Christian, the true follower will humble himself. He will put himself at the lowest of positions in order to show love to all they encounter.

I am no where near this, though it is what I desire. I desire to show true love and humility towards others. But everyday I am at war with my ego. Whether you are religious or not, I think everyone could learn from Jesus' example to put others first. To share and to love one another. To stop fighting over a higher position.

Before It's Too Late

This entry might sound repetitive but my heart is pulled to reiterate the truth.

We do not know the time or moment when we or a loved one will be taken. Please forgive one another. Don't hold anymore grudges. Let the exiled back in. Extend grace to those who need it. Love those who are hardest to love. I am not talking about people who bring negativity or abuse to your life. I am talking about friends and family who you have possibly pushed away or quit talking to because of indifference. Or maybe you are giving your spouse the silent treatment. Be the first to say "I am sorry". Forgive your brothers and sisters for wronging you. None of us are perfect and we need one another to function as one unit. That is what family is; one unit that needs to work together. A house divided against itself, destroys itself. Do not let another moment pass without amends. For when the time comes, it may be too late and you will live with regret and guilt. Do not let your heart carry that burden. Release the tension and accept one another for your flaws. One day we will leave our jobs and things behind. Let us invest in things that last forever: relationship. Let every moment be full because the future is not promised.

My Journey to Health: Stage 1

As some of you may know, I have recently been having problems with my thyroid. I have actually been having these issues all my life, but never had the tests done before. From the time I was a child until I became pregnant I had the symptoms for hyperthyroidism. I was so thin I couldn't gain any weight and was made fun of by my peers for being what they described me as "sickly" thin. I ate whatever I wanted. however much I wanted and never gained a pound. My step mother even tried to get me to put on weight by feeding me three huge meals a day with an Ensure nutritional drink to top it off. I would end up throwing up.

Since I got pregnant with my daughter, who is now six months old, I have been experiencing the opposite. I gained weight like crazy while I was pregnant. I started at 135lbs and gave birth at 180lbs. I have had to work my but off and cut my food intake in order to stop gaining. But I have become extremely exhausted. I thought it was because of being a new mother and not sleeping enough. As of the last month it has gotten progressively worse. I am too tired and lethargic to go on walks with Leia like I used to a month ago. Now I know that the real issue is my thyroid health.

Yesterday the doctor reviewed my blood results with me. He said I have hypothyroidism. He said my numbers are so low that my thyroid is practically not working at all. He also said he hasn't seen these low of numbers in years. I have an ultrasound scheduled for in about two weeks because I have goiter(s). Goiters can take years to manifest, but specific health concerns can also speed up their growth. I believe I have had small growths for years because I also have Dysphagia where I choke often when I drink liquids. That is because the goiter puts pressure on my throat. I have been choking for years, so that is how I know this has been developing for quite some time. Dysphagia can be described as experiencing difficulty when swallowing. I also cannot eat many foods without the help of liquids to get them down. The doctor informed me that I do have a lot of growth on my thyroid and that the endocrinologists might have to take the entire thyroid. But this is not for sure yet. I still have to get my ultrasound and see the endocrinologist. I also have more blood work to be done in about 4-5 weeks. Because of my growing goiter and inactive thyroid, the doctor has prescribed me with .075 MG of Levothyroxine, the thyroid hormone.

Now, I do not want to be on medication for the rest of my life. Based on my research, thyroid medication actually makes your thyroid weaker over time. This means the dosage on medication has to be increased until eventually the thyroid will quit working all together. I am starting the medication, but I am also trying every natural avenue as well. My thyroid issues are genetic, so I'm basically trying to change my genetic history and fate. My grandmother also suffered from goiters and hypothyroidism.

Concerning my natural medicine, I am going to be applying Frankincense, Clove, Lemongrass, and Peppermint oil to my thyroid daily. I am also taking a drop of Frankincense internally. When my next order of Doterra comes in I will be adding a full line of supplements, which all together will include vitamins, minerals, omega 3's and essential oils. I am also going to supplement with iodine because iodine deficiency has been linked to poor thyroid health. Everything will be taken in moderation. Overdoing it could cause more harm, so I am easing into this. I will keep trying to at least take a few walks a day because exercise is extremely important for overall health. All I can do is my best and that's what I am going to do.

Thank you for reading! I will keep my readers posted on my progress.

Learning to Love My Post-Pregnancy Body

Becoming pregnant and having a beautiful baby girl has changed me forever, especially physically. My pre-baby self was fit and slim weighing in at 135lbs. I had the time and energy to pour care into myself. Now my number one priority has become my beautiful baby girl. I have lacked sleep for six months now and have started developing health issues. My energy is the lowest it has ever been and I suffer from constant fatigue. I don't have the energy to keep up with the status quo. I tried in the beginning to stay fit, but after the first month and a half, I didn't lose any more weight and have completely stabilized. Partially due to an inactive thyroid. I now weigh 156lbs six months after giving birth.

The question I am faced with everyday is the choice to choose her or me? I choose her every time. I choose to breastfeed her every time she calls on me instead of letting her cry herself to sleep. I choose to spend my time holding and comforting her instead of leaving her to workout. I choose to pour my heart and soul into the little one that has changed me forever. She is the extension of my soul and the only way I will live on. She is the footprint I will leave on this planet.

For months I have struggled with how to love and accept my new body. Every day when I look in the mirror I see something completely different than I used to see. When I look at old pictures, it doesn't even seem like I am the same person anymore. I have transformed. Being fit and thin is awesome, but it won't last forever. Outward beauty only lasts so long. If that's all you rely on then you have placed your bets on something fleeting that will inevitably end. To give to others and to love has proven to be the only thing that lasts forever. That is why I have chosen to pour my heart into my child and family. They will remember my love and legacy, not how fit and thin I was.

That doesn't mean I am not going to take care of myself or let myself become overweight. But I am also not going to wear myself out getting fit when I need that energy to care for my infant. I will do my best to be healthy so that I can live each day to its fullest and be able to keep up with my family. To continue our adventures together. To be healthy is the new sexy.

PostBaby

PreBaby

Our Trip to Salvation Mountain

My family and I have been living in an RV traveling from place to place. Right now we are Snow Birds in Hemet, CA. We are hibernating for the winter while saving for a newer motor home to live in. Our six month old is going to need more space for crawling and playing. Before we arrived in Hemet, we visited quite a few places over the fall. One being Slab City. Slab City is basically a place where people go and live for free. Most of them live in motor homes and trailers. There is a very large community there. They even put on their own entertainment. There in Slab City is located the infamous Salvation Mountain. If you have never heard of Salvation Mountain, it is an incredible site to see. Everyone should see it, whether religious or not. You don't have to believe in God to appreciate this artwork that was done with ambition and hard work.

Leonard Knight created a tribute to God in order to spread the "Love of God". The mountain is 50 ft high and is made of local adobe clay and donated paint. Here are some pictures I took there. Hopefully it can give you just a taste of it's awesomeness.

Spread the LOVE

Why Jealousy Makes You Ugly

I know my title sounds harsh, but it really is true. Acting on the emotion, jealousy makes us ugly. I am probably the last person that should be writing about jealousy because I have definitely had my episodes. I am a very territorial person. It is a normal emotion to experience, but we can chose how we react to that emotion. I have felt jealous many times, but I am finally realizing how poisonous it is. It can ruin friendships and relationships. It causes a person to not act in love. In fact, we act in selfishness when we act on jealousy. Acting on jealousy can bring out the worst parts in us. We think others don't notice, but they do.

 Sometimes we have reason to be jealous. You may have been cheated on by a lover or see your spouse constantly flirting with the opposite sex. But what are you going to do with this emotion? Are you going to turn into a monster or use that emotion to make you a better person. Sometimes just communicating our emotions to our loved ones can make a world of difference instead of lashing out. One thing I cannot ignore is the jealousy woman hold toward one another. Not all, but it's definitely very prominent. To me, practicing jealousy towards a friend is practicing hatred toward that person. Jealousy is the opposite of love. I know I am not perfect in this and I work to improve when I see opportunity. Be honest about your jealousy. You might be surprised by the comfort you will receive. Because lashing out in jealousy makes us look ugly. When I see a beautiful woman act on jealousy like an angry green monster, her beauty is hidden beneath hatred. We aren't fooling anyone by trying to hide our hatred. It will only spew out into other areas of our lives.

The Joy of Having a Six Month Old

Leia Jasmine is now a little over six months old and so much has changed! She is growing and learning so fast. Having a child is a wonderful blessing and quite an awesome thing to be apart of. To see someone that you and your lover made develop into a functioning human being is a miracle within itself.

I remember when Leia was a newborn. She would stay up until 11-1am in the first month. She would fuss and cry while popping off and on my breasts. I remember waking many times in the night to feed her, which I still do, but I do it much differently now. In the beginning I thought my husband might wake up so I would bring in to the living area and feed her while using my Boppy. She used to feed for so long. I would sit there like a zombie with my head down because I was so exhausted. Even in the day time, most of our time was spent with her on my breasts, building up my supply, pacifying and then falling asleep there. Many times I wouldn't move because she would wake and I would start all over.

Now. six months later, there are no more hours of fussiness at night. If she does, it's because she's tired and doesn't want to go to sleeep...haha. But most of the time now when she gets fussy I can lie down to nurse her and she will fall asleep between 6-7pm. That is if we aren't out visiting family. That's a different story. She wants to be up all in the family action. When she refuses to sleep when we are out I just put her in my Ergo carrier and she will eventually fall asleep. I will walk around the rest of the time with her on me because she sleeps better that way instead of me trying to move her into a bed. Now, when she goes to bed at night, she wakes up every so often to nurse until late in the night and then sleeps for about 3 hours and starts waking again. I have learned that my husband can sleep through almost anything, so I put her in bed with me to nurse and sleep. I did not chose to co-sleep, co-sleeping chose me. It is the only way for me to get sleep. It also provides wonderful moments with Leia that I'll treasure forever. Sometimes I open my eyes and see her sleeping so beautifully. I think about how cute she looks. Not even a camera can capture the cuteness I see. Most of the time I can keep in her bed until around 7:30am. That number used to be much earlier.

Hooray for six months! She is doing so many new and exciting things! She talks baby talk and laughs hysterically. She rolls over all the time, especially when I am changing her, which turns into a wrestling match. She can sit up without me holding her! She wants to touch and grab everything! She already knows how to work her toys. I am so proud of her. It is so fun watching her do new things and experience the world for the very first time. She has been eating solids as well. So far her favorite is carrots, which I puree for her and then freeze. She also is still breastfeeding and thank the Lord for that because everyone and their mother has been sick. 

What really hit me happened last night. Normally, every night I nurse her to sleep. Last night it wasn't working so I set her down for about two minutes. I went back, sat next to her crib and began to sing the Barney theme song. She loves that song! She became quiet as I repeated it a few more times. Before I knew it she was fast sleep. Never had I been able to sing her to sleep in her crib before. That is great improvement! I think six months is my favorite so far. I do miss many things when she was a newborn, mostly how small she was. But things are definitely more exciting now. I see how she reacts and plays with me. The way she looks at me and how she needs me melts my heart. That's all I need...to feel needed. She allows me to live for a wonderful purpose. I love her smile too, which I am grateful to see often. She is the greatest thing my husband and I have ever done. She is the greatest gift we have ever been given. She has joined us together like three unbreakable cords braided together. I am excited to see what more she will be doing, but I am cherishing every single moment because they are fleeting.

What is your Confidence In?

This is an entry I would really love to hear others opinions on. What makes you believe in yourself? Where does your confidence come from you? What is your faith and confidence in? Is it your own ability or something else? How do you believe in one's self?

This one is difficult for me to answer. I do not believe I necessarily have confidence in my ability for something. I am not an athlete, although I try to stay fit. I am not a musician, although I like to sing. I am not particularly good at any one thing, although I am mediocre at many things. So where does my confidence come from? The only answer I know is that it doesn't come from me. I can be insecure at times, especially if I compare myself to others, which is always a temptation. I see the gifts that others have to offer. I see the light the others have. Why is it so difficult for me to see my own? My confidence lies in the God who created me and made me for a purpose. This is just how I feel personally. I know many people have their own opinions on this issue, but this seems to be where my heart lies. My confidence is that he will use me for something great, although I have no great talent or feature. I cannot boast in my own ability. Everyday I wake up and do my best to care for my baby. Everyday I try to be the best mom possible. Everyday I try to be the best wife for my husband and to meet his needs to the best of my ability. That is all. What about you?

Be healthy, Be Happy

Today I went to get my blood drawn for some testing for my thyroid because I have goiters. As I was sitting there in the waiting room, the majority of the patients were the elderly. This view really had me thinking. These elderly folks go to the doctor often and have blood tests drawn frequently. That is not how I want to spend my later years, no offense. I want to live my life as full and healthy as possible. The problem is people don't want to take care of themselves until something is wrong and really by that time it's a little late and takes much longer to get optimum health. Health starts now, right now. It starts in your young adulthood, but it's never too late to start caring about your health. To avoid future problems we need to take care of ourselves today. I really believe this means finding balance in all things. It's not just about good nutrition. It's good nutrition and exercise. It means avoiding toxins and ridding your body of the toxins you are have. It seems like everyone has something physically wrong with them. What are we doing to our bodies? Especially concerning alcohol. It has become a regular thing for many people to get drunk often, to the point of having hangovers every weekend or maybe even a few times a weak. You may get by for a while but long term problems will start to develop, especially in the stomach. All for what? A good time? I like drinking, don't get me wrong, but moderation is key. If you don't want health issues tomorrow, take care of yourself today.

I need to get serious about my health because I do not want to waste my life away going to doctor appointments when I am elderly. Instead I would like to be healthy enough to travel and adventure. Healthy enough to keep up with my children and grandchildren. Once you start taking prescription drugs it's like selling your soul. They control you. They fix one problem and cause another. This is the longest period of time I have gone without drugs since I was in high school. I used to experience many side effects from them and frankly, it wasn't worth it. Such a vicious cycle. I know some of you might become offended. I realize that many times prescription medication is necessary and sometimes the only way. But it doesn't have to be the first thing you go to. A lot of problems can be fixed by simple nutritional changes and exercise. But many of us are lazy and would rather take a pill for this and for that. I thought I would have to take my prescriptions for the rest of my life until I became pregnant and was forced to find alternative methods. I have taken mood stabilizing medication since I graduated from high school. Some of them would make me so tired I couldn't function the next day. Some of them were actually tranquilizers. It would be difficult for others to wake me in the night. And alcohol use cancels out of effects to prescription drugs. All I can say is no thank you, no thank you. My health is no where near where I want it, but it's time I start making changes. 

A Love Like No Other

When a heart is filled to the brim it can only overflow out, touching everything and everyone that surrounds it. Today I write with  tears of gratitude for my heart is overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Growing up I felt sad, tortured and alone. I would think to myself, "Is this it?... Isn't there more to life?" I thought I would be suffering forever and then one day everything changed. It has continued to change one day at a time. It has taken years to bring me to where I am now. The life I once despised I now live joyfully! I did not think that was possible! As a child I longed for the love and support from others that I have now. It is such a precious gift! A gift I protect and appreciate every moment.

The love I have found in my mother has left me breathless. I lost her for so long. I didn't realize at the time what I was missing. I didn't know the bounds of her love as my mother and now I experience it everyday when I see her and talk to her. I wish I could give to her the world because she truly deserves it. She has been through hell and back. She has been abused and mistreated. She had her children ripped away from her, absence of her control. Financially she has had to work her health into the ground supporting herself, and my older brother. Her burden has been heavy for over half her life and to me, she deserves the biggest break of all. I wish all heavenly gifts to be showered upon her. With all this being said, her good efforts will never be forgotten. I know God will bless her immensely and repay the years for which she suffered. You can never judge a soul for we never know what they have truly gone through behind closed doors. But I have seen my mother rise from ashes and become as beautiful as the most beautiful heavenly flower. She has become one of the brighter stars in the sky.

Her suffering has purified her soul and prepared her for every blessing. I am just overwhelmed and so thankful she never gave up on me and my younger brother. When I was in foster care, they contacted her. She could've continued on with her life and never did a thing, but instead she grasped the opportunity for reconciliation. She went to court to see the hearing, not even thinking she would see me. It turned into a reuniting event. When I asked her for help she could've turned me away. We had been separated for 6 years anyways. She was used to not having me. But she didn't. She opened her arms to me and fought for me. She went through torturous court hearings and spent every penny on gaining sole custody of me and raised me until I graduated. She never once gave up on me. She showed me true love which is unconditional. I hope she receives 1 million times back what she has given to me. Now I know love. A love I never knew existed because I spent years without it.

That Time We Almost Burned Down Our RV Park

My husband and I have been saving a Chinese lantern for quite a while. We forgot to release it when we went to the desert. We decided we should release it on the first of the year, yesterday. We opened it up and prepared it to be lit. I am not very familiar with Chinese lanterns so I didn't realize you actually light a little square that stays lit for quite a while. I noticed that the lantern had a few holes, so I didn't think it would work. But my husband was patient with it and it started to lift up. Then all of a sudden it starts flying through the air sideways, heading straight for the palm trees at the RV Resort we are staying at. I started running and yelling, "watch the baby!" I actually thought I could get the balloon before it hit the tree but it was too high. It got stuck on a palm tree and we could see the flames from the lantern. I started freaking out and yelling for my husband to think of a genius idea to get us out of this one. It stayed there for a few minutes, but eventually lifted off and went higher in the sky. This whole time I was recording it on his GoPro. When we thought the lantern wasn't going to budge, my husband took the GoPro and hid all evidence that we would've started the fire.  My husband followed the lantern and it eventually landed in an open parking lot. Thank God! I am never sending off a lantern with holes ever again! I may never use a lantern again, except in the desert...haha.