What May Come

Lately I have been extremely emotional with a heavy heart. I am very happy with my life but physically I have been feeling bad for some time now. Ever since I found out about my thyroid condition it makes much more sense. My goiter feels like it has grown over night, even though I know that can't be the case. Everyday the pressure on my throat is getting heavier and I am becoming impatient. I am impatient with the new medication I am on because I still have very low energy. I hate not feeling like myself. I still have two weeks until my ultrasound. That will reveal what's really going on and how it needs to be treated. This is effecting me a lot. Everyday I feel like I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. I become irritated with the constant heaviness on my throat getting worse. 

This may not seem like a big deal to others but it is to me and is effecting me everyday. I don't know what's going to happen. I have never been comfortable with the unknown and uncertainty. I am scared I will need a treatment of some sort to get rid of my goiter. I am scared I won't be able to care for my daughter every second like I do now. She relies on me. She relies on my breastmilk. Many times I am the only one who can comfort her. I don't want to be apart from her and dealing with health issues. I am not going to pretend to be tough when I am afraid. Afraid for the future, not knowing what's next. My husband has enough burdens with work. I don't want him to have to juggle working and caring for Leia while I go to appointment after appointment. I guess I am a little overwhelmed right now. I know something is wrong, but what really freaks me out is not knowing or understanding what's happening.