Thursday, May 28, 2015
Friday, May 22, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Obstacles: Sometimes They Are Just Detours
As many of you know we set out on our travels to go wherever the wind blows us. Our goal is to travel throughout the United States, but rarely does anything go according to plan. We stayed in Oceanside for a week at the harbor. Oceanside is one of our favorite places. You have the beach on one side and the harbor on the other which makes for smooth paddleboarding. We were sad to go but the harbor only allows a five day stay, even though we snuck in two extra nights.
Our next goal was to head towards Idaho but my doctors wanted to do more labs since I came back positive for autoimmune. So I caught up with my primary doctor who then sent me out for even more lab tests for my thyroid and allergies. I am waiting for results back from both my primary and rheumatoid specialist. On top of everything else a large portion of my tooth broke off so now I am forced to overcome one of my greatest fears: The dentist. I get nervous just thinking about the wonderful drilling about to take place. So between my health issues and family issues, a lot has been going on. But it only seems to distract from our plans of seeing the world.
I think that's how life is. You have dreams and aspirations but there are always obstacles. I think the point is to not give up, even when that's the easiest thing to do. I almost give up all the time. I catch myself at the end of myself and then something happens every time...I see a glimmer of hope. I feel my spirit jump inside me and say "This is not the end! Keep going!"
I realized that I never started having health issues until I stayed in Hemet; a polluted city far from the beach. When we were living in Oceanside last year I was healthy. Leia and I would go on our walks and I wasn't exhausted. I even had extra energy to workout. But ever since I lived in Hemet for a few months my health has been faltering. Now I cannot make assumptions because I honestly do not know why I am in the state I am in, but I do know one thing. I am not supposed to be here, being tossed from doctor to doctor. This is not my destiny. If I have to give up on doctors I will because I would rather live life following my dreams and not feel perfect than stay home, bury my dreams and continue to be passed back and forth by doctors. That might sound crazy to some but that's how I chose to live my life. I would rather die living life to it's fullest.
One other thing that was keeping us from venturing our far again was that we needed new tires. We didn't think we would be able to get them for a while because they are very expensive. But unexpectedly we received some extra income and were able to buy two new tires. So where are we now? That actually changes day to day. Today it is Lake Elsinore, tomorrow it could be a casino parking lot. One thing I have learned is that I can only worry about today and troubles it may bring. One day at a time we take on challenges and it's not just us. You too face challenges that force you to either overcome your fears or give up. I urge us all, regardless of discouragement and circumstances, to continue on the path we were meant to be on. Only you know the path that is yours. All that matters is that you don't give up. To give up on our dreams is to lose ourselves. And we just can't afford that kind of loss.
Thank you for following us on our journey! Feel free to comment with your own encouragements and experiences.
Don't forget to check out our new Episodes of RV Pirates on Youtube:
RV Pirates Episodes 1-4
Our next goal was to head towards Idaho but my doctors wanted to do more labs since I came back positive for autoimmune. So I caught up with my primary doctor who then sent me out for even more lab tests for my thyroid and allergies. I am waiting for results back from both my primary and rheumatoid specialist. On top of everything else a large portion of my tooth broke off so now I am forced to overcome one of my greatest fears: The dentist. I get nervous just thinking about the wonderful drilling about to take place. So between my health issues and family issues, a lot has been going on. But it only seems to distract from our plans of seeing the world.
I think that's how life is. You have dreams and aspirations but there are always obstacles. I think the point is to not give up, even when that's the easiest thing to do. I almost give up all the time. I catch myself at the end of myself and then something happens every time...I see a glimmer of hope. I feel my spirit jump inside me and say "This is not the end! Keep going!"
I realized that I never started having health issues until I stayed in Hemet; a polluted city far from the beach. When we were living in Oceanside last year I was healthy. Leia and I would go on our walks and I wasn't exhausted. I even had extra energy to workout. But ever since I lived in Hemet for a few months my health has been faltering. Now I cannot make assumptions because I honestly do not know why I am in the state I am in, but I do know one thing. I am not supposed to be here, being tossed from doctor to doctor. This is not my destiny. If I have to give up on doctors I will because I would rather live life following my dreams and not feel perfect than stay home, bury my dreams and continue to be passed back and forth by doctors. That might sound crazy to some but that's how I chose to live my life. I would rather die living life to it's fullest.
One other thing that was keeping us from venturing our far again was that we needed new tires. We didn't think we would be able to get them for a while because they are very expensive. But unexpectedly we received some extra income and were able to buy two new tires. So where are we now? That actually changes day to day. Today it is Lake Elsinore, tomorrow it could be a casino parking lot. One thing I have learned is that I can only worry about today and troubles it may bring. One day at a time we take on challenges and it's not just us. You too face challenges that force you to either overcome your fears or give up. I urge us all, regardless of discouragement and circumstances, to continue on the path we were meant to be on. Only you know the path that is yours. All that matters is that you don't give up. To give up on our dreams is to lose ourselves. And we just can't afford that kind of loss.
Thank you for following us on our journey! Feel free to comment with your own encouragements and experiences.
Don't forget to check out our new Episodes of RV Pirates on Youtube:
RV Pirates Episodes 1-4
Friday, May 8, 2015
Postpartum Depression: It's Real
I started writing this entry last week during a time of lows. I don't feel this way every day but I do sometimes. I was feeling overwhelmed and depressed.
Postpartum depression is a type of clinical depression which can affect women after childbirth. Symptoms may include sadness, low energy, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, reduced desire for sex, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. For some reason these symptoms are getting stronger. I thought they would go away with time.
Other symptoms of postpartum depression include:
- Sadness
- Hopelessness
- Low self-esteem
- Guilt
- A feeling of being overwhelmed
- Sleep and eating disturbances
- Inability to be comforted
- Exhaustion
- Emptiness
- Inability to experience pleasure from activities usually found enjoyable[8]
- Social withdrawal
- Low or no energy
- Becoming easily frustrated
- Feeling inadequate in taking care of the baby
- Decreased sex drive
- Occasional or frequent anxiety
If you know a new mother, be especially gentle and kind. Becoming a mother is life changing and can even be traumatic. Your mommy friends can use all the support and love you can give them.
Bless a mommy today ❤️
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Judgement: Why We All Do It
What does it mean to judge?
To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration
Everyone judges. We have to to a certain point. It is how we make decisions and form opinions. People can be defensive over judgements, but in reality, I have not met one person who doesn't judge. It is how we decide what we do with our lives and choices. At some degree, judgement is necessary. But judgement becomes another issue when we judge a human being and label them. To the degree to which we judge others we will also be judged which also explains why there is so much judgement. We judge, therefore we will be judged.
What happens when we judge another person?
If you have a judgement about a specific person I think those thoughts should be kept to yourself. I am talking about judgement, not facts or actual events that have taken place. Why should negative judgements be kept to our self? Because they will only hurt and break down that person's self worth. Plus, it's only your opinion of that person. It doesn't make it valid or true. I myself struggle with judgment as everyone does. It's so easy to stand on the sidelines and make assumptions of what we think and paste a label on it like that person is selfish, rude, broken, insecure, a bad person, etc. The biggest problem I have noticed when people judge and label is that many times it's not the case at all. We just are not close enough to the situation to get the full story or we don't know the person well enough so we make a judgment based on what we see.
A new practice I have come up with when I start to think judgmental thoughts is to first stop and back away from the situation and realize that I am only a spectator. There may be a factor I don't understand or a situation I have never been in before. As I was looking out of our RV window this morning something hit me as I was watching the waves. When you are on the beach watching the waves they don't look that big. When I didn't surf when I was pregnant I would watch my husband. The waves didn't look very big from shore but he would rush in telling me how strong they were, but I didn't understand because they looked small from my point of view. Then after I was able to go back out in the waves again I was literally overcome by the force of the waves. They were bashing me and throwing me around. Every wave I would catch the wave would shoot me under the water for seconds as a time. I felt like I was fighting this massive force. BUT when I was on the shore they looked like little baby waves.
It's so much different being a spectator than actually being in the situation. So before you rush your thoughts and are ready to label an individual, think. Are you in their shoes? Do you even know the person well enough to place judgement? If you do have a negative judgement of someone why not take a step forward to get to know them? Step off the shore and put your feet in the water. Walk a little closer to the situation. You might be surprised that things were not as they appeared on shore.
Photo Cred: Steven Huff Photography
Contact Steven for prints:
Estevenhuff@gmail.com
714-650-2555
CHECK OUT BLOGELINA.COM to participate in their mothers makeover blog event! All you need to do is donate at least $10 to the organization they are supporting and they will makeover your blog
To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration
Everyone judges. We have to to a certain point. It is how we make decisions and form opinions. People can be defensive over judgements, but in reality, I have not met one person who doesn't judge. It is how we decide what we do with our lives and choices. At some degree, judgement is necessary. But judgement becomes another issue when we judge a human being and label them. To the degree to which we judge others we will also be judged which also explains why there is so much judgement. We judge, therefore we will be judged.
What happens when we judge another person?
If you have a judgement about a specific person I think those thoughts should be kept to yourself. I am talking about judgement, not facts or actual events that have taken place. Why should negative judgements be kept to our self? Because they will only hurt and break down that person's self worth. Plus, it's only your opinion of that person. It doesn't make it valid or true. I myself struggle with judgment as everyone does. It's so easy to stand on the sidelines and make assumptions of what we think and paste a label on it like that person is selfish, rude, broken, insecure, a bad person, etc. The biggest problem I have noticed when people judge and label is that many times it's not the case at all. We just are not close enough to the situation to get the full story or we don't know the person well enough so we make a judgment based on what we see.
A new practice I have come up with when I start to think judgmental thoughts is to first stop and back away from the situation and realize that I am only a spectator. There may be a factor I don't understand or a situation I have never been in before. As I was looking out of our RV window this morning something hit me as I was watching the waves. When you are on the beach watching the waves they don't look that big. When I didn't surf when I was pregnant I would watch my husband. The waves didn't look very big from shore but he would rush in telling me how strong they were, but I didn't understand because they looked small from my point of view. Then after I was able to go back out in the waves again I was literally overcome by the force of the waves. They were bashing me and throwing me around. Every wave I would catch the wave would shoot me under the water for seconds as a time. I felt like I was fighting this massive force. BUT when I was on the shore they looked like little baby waves.
It's so much different being a spectator than actually being in the situation. So before you rush your thoughts and are ready to label an individual, think. Are you in their shoes? Do you even know the person well enough to place judgement? If you do have a negative judgement of someone why not take a step forward to get to know them? Step off the shore and put your feet in the water. Walk a little closer to the situation. You might be surprised that things were not as they appeared on shore.
Photo Cred: Steven Huff Photography
Contact Steven for prints:
Estevenhuff@gmail.com
714-650-2555
CHECK OUT BLOGELINA.COM to participate in their mothers makeover blog event! All you need to do is donate at least $10 to the organization they are supporting and they will makeover your blog
Sunday, May 3, 2015
This One is For You, Poison
Recently Debbie, known as Poison in my earlier writings, has discovered my confessions of her. Of course she is not going to like what she saw. I am sure it is not going to make her feel good. But I didn't write for her or to her. She happens to be where a lot of my heartbreak first took place as a child and let me to you why.
The first few years she was married to my father we became very close. I loved her very much and always will because I am a lover and I did have good times with her. I enjoyed talking with her and playing with her since she was good at many things. I developed a strong need to please her. I don't know exactly where that came from. I started doing many things for her including pedis, foot massages, etc. But when I would get in trouble, no matter how small, no matter how big, I was exiled. She would refuse to talk to me and refuse my forgiveness that I would beg for everyday until I was forgiven. I never cried harder than when I was ignored and told I was not apart of the family.
A pattern started. My readers know of every treatment I received as a child so I will not go over that again. She is upset that I have spoken the truth, I presume, and it doesn't make her look good. I would be embarrassed too. God says that one day everything done in secret will come out into the light. Honestly, that's kind of scary because I know I have definitely done things in secret I am not proud of. Everyone has. But when the truth comes out we have two options: deny OR take responsibility. Do you know the character it takes for someone to stand up and say yes I did that?! I am not proud of it. I didn't realize it would hurt anyone. I am sorry. I swear If someone said that to me I would not even care about what evil they did. I would be hopping out of my shoes for joy that they finally took responsibility. That's really when the healing begins!
So Debbie, I will no longer cover up your identity since you didn't like the fake name I gave you. And since you have refused to talk to me for over ten years I guess this is how I will do it. I know you are hurting. You need to understand we were all hurt and Dylan and I were not the adults. Our family broke and crumbled under our feet and it was broken long before I ran away. I had to leave. If I didn't you probably would've had bigger problems considering I had become depressed and suicidal. The burden I was put under was unreal. No child should have their spirit continuously crushed. Yes I did things wrong. I lied. I cheated. I stole. I did everything that would drive a parent nuts. But your punishments were not wisely chosen. You probably didn't understand the long term effects they would leave on my life. But somehow I must understand you were trying your best to be a mother to two children that were not yours (I'm trying to understand what your prospective could have been, but kind of hard without you telling me).
You did many good things as well, but for some reason the bad outweighed it because that's really all I remember now. I would go to school and have to explain why my parents cut off my hair again. I would hear whispers behind me.."She looks like a boy!" How I was embarrassed for wearing the same clothes to school everyday and sometimes wasn't allowed to shower so my hair looked like a greasy mophead. You want me to tell the good things? I am waiting for the day when all this is put behind and EVERYONE is willing to make a step forward. If you do not learn to forgive, this part of your life will never heal and its not fair. It's not fair that Kaylee thinks I disappeared never to return. It's not fair that my father has to choose between his wife and his own children. This is not right! If you are a good woman and love my father you will allow forgiveness to take place. You will allow my father to come together with all his family members. I am open. I am so open. But if you insist on clinging to the past, I want no part. Ten years will turn to thirty and my poor father will be withered and old and will still have a broken family along with a broken heart.
It is extremely unhealthy to still be upset over things that happened 10 years ago! I am not willing to be a part of the negativity. I cannot stress enough how unfair this is to my father that he has been made to chose one side. My father thinks the world of you and loves you very much. He loves Kaylee like his very own. He has welcomed your family. If anyone wronged him he would forgive them. Can you do the same for him? Can you show him love by allowing his heart to be full. He yearns for his family to be reunited and it is all in your hands.Don't let him miss out on his grandchild's life. Please think about the long run. What happens if something happens to my father? Will you hate me so much you cannot call and tell me?
I am sorry if you don't like my blog. That's okay. It has been the only way I was able to move on from the past. I would recommend anyone write a blog. It is very healing and is not directed at anyone. It is my story and no one is required to read it. I hope one day you are also able to move on from the past and receive healing. It's a wonderful feeling to let go, it really is. You almost feel like her spirit that's been weighed down by steel and iron can now fly!!!! What freedom forgiveness gives! What freedom truth gives! It is available for everyone. It just takes a personal choice. The love is there. It's always been there, but you have to pick it up.
Note to readers: Thank you for reading my story. If you would like to leave a comment please do so in the comment section below. If you leave them on Facebook they will get lost in Facebook.
The first few years she was married to my father we became very close. I loved her very much and always will because I am a lover and I did have good times with her. I enjoyed talking with her and playing with her since she was good at many things. I developed a strong need to please her. I don't know exactly where that came from. I started doing many things for her including pedis, foot massages, etc. But when I would get in trouble, no matter how small, no matter how big, I was exiled. She would refuse to talk to me and refuse my forgiveness that I would beg for everyday until I was forgiven. I never cried harder than when I was ignored and told I was not apart of the family.
A pattern started. My readers know of every treatment I received as a child so I will not go over that again. She is upset that I have spoken the truth, I presume, and it doesn't make her look good. I would be embarrassed too. God says that one day everything done in secret will come out into the light. Honestly, that's kind of scary because I know I have definitely done things in secret I am not proud of. Everyone has. But when the truth comes out we have two options: deny OR take responsibility. Do you know the character it takes for someone to stand up and say yes I did that?! I am not proud of it. I didn't realize it would hurt anyone. I am sorry. I swear If someone said that to me I would not even care about what evil they did. I would be hopping out of my shoes for joy that they finally took responsibility. That's really when the healing begins!
So Debbie, I will no longer cover up your identity since you didn't like the fake name I gave you. And since you have refused to talk to me for over ten years I guess this is how I will do it. I know you are hurting. You need to understand we were all hurt and Dylan and I were not the adults. Our family broke and crumbled under our feet and it was broken long before I ran away. I had to leave. If I didn't you probably would've had bigger problems considering I had become depressed and suicidal. The burden I was put under was unreal. No child should have their spirit continuously crushed. Yes I did things wrong. I lied. I cheated. I stole. I did everything that would drive a parent nuts. But your punishments were not wisely chosen. You probably didn't understand the long term effects they would leave on my life. But somehow I must understand you were trying your best to be a mother to two children that were not yours (I'm trying to understand what your prospective could have been, but kind of hard without you telling me).
You did many good things as well, but for some reason the bad outweighed it because that's really all I remember now. I would go to school and have to explain why my parents cut off my hair again. I would hear whispers behind me.."She looks like a boy!" How I was embarrassed for wearing the same clothes to school everyday and sometimes wasn't allowed to shower so my hair looked like a greasy mophead. You want me to tell the good things? I am waiting for the day when all this is put behind and EVERYONE is willing to make a step forward. If you do not learn to forgive, this part of your life will never heal and its not fair. It's not fair that Kaylee thinks I disappeared never to return. It's not fair that my father has to choose between his wife and his own children. This is not right! If you are a good woman and love my father you will allow forgiveness to take place. You will allow my father to come together with all his family members. I am open. I am so open. But if you insist on clinging to the past, I want no part. Ten years will turn to thirty and my poor father will be withered and old and will still have a broken family along with a broken heart.
It is extremely unhealthy to still be upset over things that happened 10 years ago! I am not willing to be a part of the negativity. I cannot stress enough how unfair this is to my father that he has been made to chose one side. My father thinks the world of you and loves you very much. He loves Kaylee like his very own. He has welcomed your family. If anyone wronged him he would forgive them. Can you do the same for him? Can you show him love by allowing his heart to be full. He yearns for his family to be reunited and it is all in your hands.Don't let him miss out on his grandchild's life. Please think about the long run. What happens if something happens to my father? Will you hate me so much you cannot call and tell me?
I am sorry if you don't like my blog. That's okay. It has been the only way I was able to move on from the past. I would recommend anyone write a blog. It is very healing and is not directed at anyone. It is my story and no one is required to read it. I hope one day you are also able to move on from the past and receive healing. It's a wonderful feeling to let go, it really is. You almost feel like her spirit that's been weighed down by steel and iron can now fly!!!! What freedom forgiveness gives! What freedom truth gives! It is available for everyone. It just takes a personal choice. The love is there. It's always been there, but you have to pick it up.
Note to readers: Thank you for reading my story. If you would like to leave a comment please do so in the comment section below. If you leave them on Facebook they will get lost in Facebook.
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