Divorce Through A Child's Eye

Divorce can be a controversial issue, but it is something I am passionate about. I know every divorced person has their reasons for getting divorced, but if people knew how it affected their children, would they have tried all other options first? I do feel a few a things are unacceptable such as unfaithfulness and abuse.

My parents divorced around when I was age five. My parents had to go to court to find out who would keep us full time. We were with my father most of the time and had visitation rights with my mother. The battles in court continued for many years costing my parents thousands of dollars.We saw her every other weekend and longer for the summer and holidays. Each parent also despises the other, so it was difficult for them to agree on anything. It really shatters a child's world when we realize that our parents who used to always be together have fallen out of love and want nothing to do with each other. All you want for your simple childhood is for your parents to get back together.

Over the years I watched my dad date women until he found his next wife. My mother ended up marrying a man friend because her attorney told them them they would have a better chance of getting custody if she looked like she had a stable home. That locked her up in chains again because she married someone she really didn't want to spend the rest of her life with. I personally didn't like him at all. First off, he favored my younger brother and second, he made fun of me and would make me cry while my mom would work. His son ended up molesting me before the age of eight. I was so young I am a little fuzzy on the age. He was much older. Leia is not allowed to be alone with other men now while she is a child. I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought it was my fault. I eventually told my mother when I was seventeen.

Through out my dad's new marriage they would fight. Some days before I went to school, Poison, who I thought was good at the time, would tell me her and my dad were getting a divorce. So I would walk around school pitying myself and saddened, but they never divorced. I would go home and it would be like nothing happened. Talk about confusing.
My mother eventually divorced the man friend she married for good cause. Details I won't get into unless she desires. She did have good reason for leaving my father too because it was a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. But it was still heartbreaking when she left.

Even though I understand divorce can be necessary at times, I still hate it. I never want that word uttered in my married unless of adultery. I feel personally as long as both people are willing, there are other options because I do not want a broken home for my baby girl. It is important that she has both parents in her life. She is our number one priority. If I ever had to share her or only see her every week it would break me into pieces. I am not even sure I would survive such heartbreak. I want Leia to have a stable home and not have step parents who want them to call them mom and dad.
With all this being said, I know good things can come out of divorce. My experience as a child with it though was very bad and I do not want to repeat any of it. I honor marriages who stick through everything together, like Loy and Gloria Lowry. They are my husband's grandparents and we are going to be celebrating their 60th Wedding Anniversary. Now I am sure they have had many hard days and many good days.

I think our culture takes marriage too lightly these days. We say vows that we mean at the time and we should do everything we can to keep those promises to one another:

 "... to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

Sometimes what I think people really think is while its good we will be married, but that is not what we promised. We promise to be there even when things are at it's worst. It doesn't say that it will be easy, but what good thing ever is?  For those without children, divorce seems like a more complicated and costly breakup. For those with children, I urge you to think twice about how it may or may not affect your child. You are their world and the example they will follow.