Beauty From Ashes

Sometimes all I can think to write about is pain from my past because I'm still trying to understand it. I don't pity myself nor need any, but I do like to face my feelings head on. I am not afraid of them. There is much healing that comes from facing buried feelings.

I wonder why in times most needed, our family can be absent. When I was a child, I expected someone to be my advocate and bring to justice the wrong, but no one did. In an earlier blog I speak about running away from my home and eventually ending up with my mother that I was absent from for six years. When I chose my mom, my father's side seemed to have shunned me. I assume because they didn't want to get on my father's bad side. By them putting up blinders like a horse, my mistreatment continued in secret. It wasn't just me either. My brother suffered much as well, but he suffered more physical abuse. I only got that once in a while. I guess I think if someone would've said something maybe the abuse might have ended. But on the other hand, it could have infuriated my father more. I would try calling these family members and get hung up on. They would never return my phone calls. It took eight years for them to even start talking to me again and when they did I was shocked. My relationship suffers with all of them because of this distance.When I was absent from my mother's side I also became distanced from that side as well. When I finally came back into the picture with them it was hard to pick up where we were when I was nine years old. So much had changed and it was like I had to get to know my own family all over again.

Poison (stepmother) was able even to turn my younger brother against me for a while. When I ran away from home I left my brother. I didn't really think that part through. I should've found a way to free us both because when I left, all the punishments and attention were then focused on him. From his testimony everything was great at first when I left. They let him do many things he wasn't allowed to do before and he was spoiled. But Poison did the same thing to me as she did to my mom: turned my brother against me. Every time I would call to try and talk to him, she was listening so he would put on a show to not get in trouble with her. He would tell me never to call again and how I am not his sister anymore. This hurt, but I knew it wasn't him so I never held it against him. He was my bestfriend growing up. We were always together and endured all things together. This separation lasted for two years when I was in high school.

One day during my junior year, he called me while I was at church. I couldn't believe he was talking to me. He said he never meant any of those things and asked to see me. My mother and I picked him up and he stayed for a weekend. I couldn't believe we were reunited, but it was too good to be true. When he went back home he was forbidden to speak to us.

Little did I know the things that were going on behind closed doors. Poison would make my brother stay in his room away from her. He would sneak out to find food at a friend's. His homework was suffering and he was becoming depressed because of his home life. That is why he started seeking my mom and I out. One day my mom and I were visiting Azusa Pacific University. I was getting ready to apply for colleges. My mom received a call from my brother from the high school. He said that my dad had to told him to have his mother come and pick him up. Earlier that day at school, he tried to reach out to a school counselor about his home life. The cops were called based on the accusations he had made, but when they got there they said they could do nothing for him. My father was very well known and no one in the community would touch him or his family with a ten foot pole. The police had visited our house and schools many times over the years. My friends from school even called the cops about the abuse we suffered. We were scared each time though because we would get punished for people knowing the truth. That day after the cops came to the school, the principal called my father to let him know the accusations made and that he needed to pick up his son. That is when he told my brother that his mother could come get him. We drove from Azusa to Big Bear High School and picked him up. There was no warning so he had no personal items. We didn't even have an extra bedroom or bed. That night he slept next to me on an inflatable mattress on the floor and he cried. He left everything he knew and was afraid for the future. He left my dad, whom he loves very much and looks up to, regardless of his questionable actions. My heart broke for him. He would need to get used to a whole new life away from the one he knew.  My brother started going to school with me. Eventually he made many friends like always. My mother's fiance, who is an incredible, amazing and supportive man, got us bunk beds and we shared a room until I left for college. He eventually graduated, went to college for a few years and joined the Army.

In the midst of all this I wonder if anything could have prevented such brokenness. I wonder if family members could've spoken to my father and convinced him of the wrongdoing going on. Now whenever I see anyone mistreated or physically or emotionally abused I cannot keep my tongue silent. But this can get me into trouble as well because I get into people's business trying to protect someone. At the end of the day I can blame no one but Poison. Someone wronged her long ago. Something must have happened to her to cause her to poison every living thing around her. Everything she touches suffers. Part of me wishes that some of my family members could've been advocates for me and my brother, but everything happened the way it was supposed to. Some times very bad things can be turned into very good things and beauty can rise from ashes. 

  If my readers are willing to comment I would appreciate your opinion. Do you think family members should stand up for the children in the family if they are being mistreated?