The first time I ever fell in love was when I was fifteen years old.
When I was that young, falling in love was my world. I was a sucker for
it. When I started living with my mother I didn't have many friends.
Kind of had to start over in that department. I started spending a lot
of time on the computer meeting people in chat rooms just so I had
people to talk to. At that time, I was picky about boyfriends if I was
going to have one. I was very intrigued by guys who read the Bible at
the time. A guy messaged me and was very friendly, not like the other
creepy guys online. We started talking about the Bible. He knew a lot,
so I enjoyed talking to him. We decided to exchange numbers and talk the
next day.
Once we started talking, we rarely stopped.
My mother would hear me giggling on the phone all night long. This was
exactly what I needed at the time. I was in a new town without any
friends. My dad and brother weren't talking to me. I needed someone to
love and to look forward to. We talked all the time and eventually
called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I fell in love with him...or
what I thought was love at the time. He had his own life in Georgia and
I was starting over with mine. As time went on we decided we wanted to
meet. I was sixteen and he was seventeen. He bought a ticket to
California and I begged my mother to let him come. She thought he was a
good kid, so it didn't take much convincing. I still am in shock though
when I look back. I can't believe she let him come...haha.
We
picked him up at LAX. I had never met him in person before. I was
trilled like any sixteen year old girl would be. While he was visiting I
was baptized for the first time. Our relationship continued to blossom.
A few months later I went to his family reunion in Myrtle Beach.
Everything seemed to be going great to me. When I went home we continued
our over the phone relationship. But things began to change over time.
He was always super busy and I was high maintenance. He would meet new
people all the time and I was very skeptical, which proved to be right.
He told me about this older woman he met and that he was "helping" her
because she was having a difficult time in her life. Note to men: Do not
become emotionally entangled with another woman other than your own. It is a breeding ground for many things that could lead to a wandering eye.
One
day we were talking like sixteen year olds do who are naive about love.
I had a feeling something was up and he reassured me that we were fine.
A couple days later he asked for a break because he wasn't sure what he
wanted. I felt it coming, but boy was my little heart crushed. I had
never experienced such heartbreak. He quit talking to me all together
and ignored me. He ignored my calls, my messages and my emails. I had to
let him go but I couldn't. This whole thing only lasted about seven
months but it really affected me. Maybe because I had lost so much
family and didn't have any girl friends. All I really had was my mom,
but I couldn't talk to her about my heartbreak because she saw it all
over me. I became very reserved. I would stay in my room, read and cry. I
quit talking as much and didn't laugh for months. I even quit wearing
makeup and cute clothes because I didn't want any attention from guys.
They sickened me at the time, especially after what I found out about
the one who broke my heart. He had gotten involved with a married older
woman. No one is perfect, but damn it hurt.
I
really think I took it way too hard but at that age it was devastating. I
would pray and pray and pray for us to end up together. I thought he
was who I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I believed
this so much that I waited for him for two years until I started dating
again. He continued on with his life and dated new girls. Each time he
told me about a new girl I felt a sting. I would just wait for that
relationship to end. I felt we would eventually get back together. Boy,
was I strung along. Now, it makes me laugh that I could possibly know
that at the age of sixteen that he was my soul mate. I held on to him
for almost five years. I dated other guys a few years later after we
broke up, but I always thought I would end up back with him. As time
went by my heart started to change and I started to realize many things
about him. He's a great guy, but not a great guy for me. My desire for
what I wanted in my husband began to change. We kept in touch off and
on. Some years later we ended up talking more again. He did end up
talking about "us" again but by then my heart had completely changed and
I was a different person. At first I tried to tell myself that I was
finally getting what I wanted, but it wasn't anymore what I wanted. I
had grown up and my heart was pulling me down a new path.
I
finally buried the idea of being with him before I met my now husband.
The man I prayed to have for years left my heart and I was totally fine
with that. In fact, it made room for something so wonderful: my husband
and baby girl. The love I found with my husband is far greater than any love I have known from a man. He was worth the wait. I have a life I never planned to have. Sometimes if you
just throw out the dice and let them land as they will, you might be
surprised at what you get. The heartbreak that I went through caused me
to care for my heart more. I was careful about who to intrust it with. I
wasn't going to just give it away to anyone anymore. I was going to be
picky. I would pray, wait and seek for the one I always knew that was
out there for me, my soul mate. So, at the end of the day I am glad for
many unanswered prayers. Because If I had gotten what I wanted when I
was sixteen, I would've never met my husband.
AMEN!!!!
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